After ending a 6-year relationship, I went on 30-plus first dates looking for The One. In less than a year, I met the man who became my husband.

• I decided to find The One after six years of dating.

• Fortunately for me, I don't mind dating, so I made a profile on OkCupid.

• I met the man who became my husband after going on more than 30 first dates.

Getting back on the apps didn't bother me when I stepped out of a six-year relationship on the wrong side of 35.

I was ready to move on to the happily ever after chapter of my life and eager to meet a man as interested in starting a family as I was.

I met The One on my 30th first date of the year.

I got clear about who I was and what I was after

I treated dating like a social experiment in my 20s. I slept with men who weren't right for me just for fun.

I realized that if I wanted to meet genuine people, I had to show up with the same energy.

After a couple weeks of silliness, I took a break from FarmersOnly and took a break from OkCupid, which was a serious dating app at the time.

I filled out my profile completely and made sure to include my favorite photos of myself, which were also true to how I looked in real life.

I stopped throwing out red flags and learned to look for them

I used to do what my friends and I called "front-loading." If they were going to reject me, I would tell them everything bad about me up front.

I came to terms with parts of my story that I used to think were flaws. I stopped exposing these facts after meeting a person.

I focused on whether the person in front of me had something to offer instead of worrying about my flaws. If a man spoke ill of other women, like their mother or exes, I would make a mental note of it.

On the first date, information like this was revealed many times. A man left a co-parent and a small child to move cross-country and write a book. The musician who couldn't name a single female vocalist he liked was a sign that he didn't consider women in his field equals. A date made a joke about a jogger.

These details would not disqualify a person, but they were red flags.

I quickly let go of relationships that weren't working

I am skilled at making people feel heard and seen. I almost always had the chance to go out with a guy again.

It wasn't easy to reject people I put in the "nice, but not for me" category. I felt guilty that I might hurt someone's feelings and that I might not do better.

One very kind man, for example, would do anything for me; in fact, he did my taxes that year. After dating casually for a couple months, I knew he wasn't what I was looking for, so I stopped buying him expensive dinners.

I quickly learned what I wanted and was willing to trust what I was looking for. I had to end things with a man who traveled for weeks on end for his job, but he had assured me it wouldn't be an issue. I knew I had to stop seeing the men I had sex with because I didn't want to have a serious relationship with them.

The guy who broke up with me was one of the hardest to get over. I had fallen out of love after eight months. Instead of chasing after him or staying at home, I kicked his house keys down a drain and reactivated my OkCupid account.

In the end, I also let go of my 'rules' and listened to my heart

When I met the man who would become my husband, I was just over my break up.

He was clever and funny, he had a great job, and he had a good relationship with his mother. He drank a lot and smoked a lot.

When he asked to be exclusive after our third date, my instinct was to flee.

I signed out of the dating apps with the promise that I would log back in if I had to.

We've been together for six-plus years, have two kids and a house in the suburbs.

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