Shaunagh Brown column: 'It's scary when retirement thoughts creep in'

Preparing for a World Cup semi-final with England is about as intense as it gets, but there is one thought that has crept into my mind more and more.

When I first started playing rugby, I didn't think about retirement, but as it takes longer to bounce back from a game, I've had to think about it.

I played on Saturday and was fine by the evening. Even with all the recovery I do, I am still a mess after a match.

My body is telling me that it might be time to stop.

When you say it out loud, it's really frightening.

When people ask what you are going to do, it is frightening. Right now, I don't know.

I rely on rugby for my salary and it's worrying to think what I'll do if I don't have that. Retirement hits us all at some point, so a change has to come.

I want to go out on a high and not fade away.

I watch it back and it doesn't always look as good as I thought it would.

Sometimes it doesn't feel good, but you watch it back and it's okay. My body is asking me what to do next.

It is difficult to not compete at your best when you are an elite athlete. A sports person can't stay at the top of their game forever.

If I am not happy with how I move then something has to change.

Thinking about what is next is the only way to handle it.

'I don't know how my body will change'

I'm worried about my body structure once I stop playing.

I enjoy eating a lot of food. I have been training for that since I was 11 years old.

I don't know what my body would look like without that. I don't know what my natural weight is, so I will have to change my eating habits.

It would be weird to leave England camp.

For the younger players who came in after we were given full-time contracts, the only job they have ever had is playing rugby.

I have done many other things. I've been a firefighter, a heating engineer, and a commercial diver.

If you haven't done anything different, the thought of being free might scare you because you don't know what you want to do or how to do it.

I have a CV and qualifications, which I am very fortunate to have.

'Players need support to think about what's next'

Rugby is a big part of my life, but it can be exciting outside of that.

I used to allow selection to affect me beyond rugby. I hope that my work on that will make the transition to retirement easier.

You are always looking for a place to get praise from people who have retired.

The crowd won't cheer if you do a good presentation.

There are financial considerations for retirement as well.

I would like to thank ex-England player Rachael Burford for always pushing me to think about what is next.

I would like to see all women's players offered support like that at club level, even if it's just for a short time.

Along with all the pressure that comes with the World Cup, these are the thoughts that come to my mind.

I mentioned last week that starting a family will be important in the timing of my retirement, so I am looking forward to it.

I would still like to be involved in the growth of women's rugby even though it would be sad to step away.

I would love to play a part in the World Cup in England in 25 years.

I could not live without playing sports. I think Strongwoman contests would work well for me.

I think I could be a dangerous cricketer if someone taught me how to bowl.

I have always been a person who has gone with the flow and taken the opportunities that feel right, no matter what the situation. I need to trust that.

Brown was talking to a person.

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