Every James Bond villain’s sports owner counterpart

It is difficult for billionaires to see themselves as the public sees them. It's easy to think your plan for league domination is flawless, and your various exploits are on the level and wouldn't get anyone without an army of lawyers at least five years in prison.

There seem to be 10 repulsive examples for every standup one, even though the good owners don't get the same shine. In honor of the owners lack of self-awareness, I thought I would give them a James Bond supervillain comp.

I will give a brief explanation of why I put the two together in the next slideshow.

The egomaniac with the money and not the metal teeth or steel-rimmed bowler hat is what you will get. I don't want to be sued again, and rich people have an itch on their lawyer finger. The Commissioners are the ones doing the dirty work so they are more apt to be compared.

There are a million of these movies and just as many plot owners. These owners haven't done anything like the Bond villains did.

The boy from "The Living Daylights" is just as boring as the Bond villain. The villain portrayed by Joe Don Baker was so bad that he returned to the franchise later as a Bond ally.

I will rewatch the movies for research, but not the ones from the Dalton series. A black market arms dealer who is obsessed with the military and war reenactments with figurines, but has no real experience in active combat is described on the website. It sounds like a perfect buffoon.

Haslem said that the alleged sociopath on his roster is there because he is a star quarterback.

I have seen more Roger Moore Bond movies than any other, but I don't know what Kristatos was after. I don't know if he was Greek or not, but he sent a squad of athletes to try to kill Bond. It has been a long time since I remembered why he was such a bad guy.

For a long time, the general populace outside of Chicago has to be reminded of Jerry's thriftiness whenever they wonder why a couple of teams in a huge market need luck.

Since moving to Chicago I have eaten a lot of Greek food and associate the city with the piles of thinly sliced lamb that I have eaten over the past year.

People reach a point of desperation in their lives that working for a supervillain is a viable option. Stromberg needed a small army of soldiers to execute his plan to turn the planet into an Atlantis-type haven.

Stromberg dumped his assistant into a shark tank and John Henry apologized to the fans of the Super League, but that was more inspiring. Henry gave Mookie Betts the trapdoor treatment and traded him to the Dodgers, and those fans will never forgive him.

Both have the charisma of an anal wart, and yet have all of these goons sign on.

I won't give the Brooklyn Nets owner a title because he's Chinese. They are perfect for each other because of their use of technology I am not going to share the ending to "No Time to Die" because it's the most recent Bond movie and I don't want to offend anyone.

China's version of Amazon is worse for Tsai, the co- founder and executive vice chairman of the company. If Jeff Bezos owned a team, he'd be on this list. The company is essentially state-run, and the government has been using tech from businesses owned and/or affiliated withAlibaba to identify and round up Uyghur Muslims. If that is not some new-age, next-level Bond-type stuff, I have no idea what it is.

I can't find a connection between the Wrigley Field renovations and the murder of an MI6 agent by Dr. No and the Cubs being sued for failing to meet proper code for handicapped patrons. I think his touch is similar to Dr. No's metal hands, but I can't say for certain.

There are 25 villains and none of them have anything to do with an ill-advised, hard-to- get independent sports channel. Cubs fans dislike the Marquee Network more than anyone else.

Nebraskans can attest to the fact that the Ricketts family is not a good one.

It makes sense that one of the most cartoonish Bond villains shares a last name with the owner of an American football team.

In the age of social media, a movie with the title "Octopussy" can't get greenlit. It is a tribute to a previous era when movie producers were not told that having a French guy play an exiled Afghani prince was good casting. While chasing Roger Moore around the jungle, Louis Jourdan delivered a number of laughable one-liners.

If the Bond franchise ever needs a sequel idea to "Octopussy", Tony might be able to help.

I haven't watched "Casino Royale" in a while, and I'm not sure what Mads Mikkelsen's character does. He plays poker and gambles on the stock market. I don't know what Steve Cohen did before buying the Mets. I think hedge fund manager is a good term for people who have made billions of dollars off of financial maneuvers.

The career likenesses of Cohen and Le Chiffre are not something I can talk about. Is there a chance that Steve tried to figure out what happened to the Mets by using a seatless chair and rope? It's a million times.

There aren't a lot of Black owners in sports, and the ones that exist usually aren't majority owners, so I'm not going to give Michael Jordan a spot on this list. This isn't a direct comparison as much as a template that RobertKraft could follow

Yaphet Kotto plays a multi- persona villain in the movie "Live and Let Die". He is a heroin dealer and wears a fake face when he is in the US.

Had he popped on a false nose before entering the massage parlor, he would have avoided that mess. If you have been paying attention, you know that the movie didn't age well.

It's a good bet that you don't know who he is. The white FBI agent from the movie "Die Hard" played the villain in "License to kill." There is no better way to get a B-rate owner to watch a Bond movie than with a bad Bond villain.

The car chase with a tanker full of cocaine is the only thing I remember about the movie. Franz and his scientists figured out how to smuggle the substance in gasoline, and the degrees of separation from Irsay's arrest for drunk driving and a bunch of pill bottles are close enough to be associated with one another.

Irsay is the kind of person who would own a pet iguana.

Within the first fifteen minutes, I was out of the show. I knew something wasn't right when I saw spies on surfboards. It took Commanders fans 15 minutes to realize this season was over.

The main villain of the movie, Gustav Graves, undergoes a face change in the middle of the movie, going from North Korean to British. Millions of dollars in surgery and a new identity are the only ways the team will be kept.

The eye rolls the way a giant sun laser, an ice castle, and a MacGyvered kiteboard do. The surfing scenes were separate from the rest of the movie. There is nothing particularly bright about the Washington owner and he doesn't deserve the title of genius. He was just as bad as Graves was.

Cuban made a lot of money by being innovative. He was able to purchase the Dallas Mavericks because he was ahead of the curve. The author of "Quantum of Solace" was out in front of the trend of weaponizing the dry spell to extort the government of Bolivia.

There are quite a few Atlanta fans who wouldn't be upset if the people responsible for that were left in the middle of the desert.

There isn't a lot of direct owner-to-villain overlap because Francisco Scaramanga is a straight-up assassin. Both Christopher Lee and Robert Sarver don't look like assassins. Lee is low-key tall and he would look short next to the Phoenix Suns and Mercury roster. There will be many reaches throughout this slideshow, and the one that stands out is sarver.

Bond villains are usually racist and sexist. Most of the time, there is more depth than just genetic differences. I will make this basic and assume that both men are very tan. We know that Scaramanga was bronzing in a scene to show off his trademark third nipple, and that he lives in the Valley of the Sun, which strikes me as the kind of guy who lays out by the pool to escape. I didn't want to see if he has a third nipple, but I'm not ruling it out.

James Dolan isn't worthy of a Blofeld distinction if he can't oversee the Knicks and Rangers. Jimmy D is too busy with the Straight Shots to keep an eye on the opium trade in China. No, he's more like a person who will never rise higher than No. 2.

It's true that the mastermind with an eyepatch in "Thunderball" is a famous foil, and that can also be applied to Dolan. Are we certain that he is not an agent planted atop the Knicks to cause trouble in New York?

It would make sense to target the major population centers if world domination is a long-term con. Subjugation will feel like a vacation compared to rooting for the Knicks when Spectre arrives.

Stan is a big fan of sports teams. The owner of the Los Angeles Rams is also the owner of a number of sports teams. If you put down an ingot of a sports franchise during the middle of a golf outing, he will accept the bet and cheat to win it.

He had to pay a settlement to cover the improper move of the Rams to L.A. It shows a willingness to fuck over your business partners if you force them to pay for your mistake.

If you remember the way Goldfinger had the mob bosses gassed/smashed after he revealed the details of Operation Grand Slam, that's one thing Kroenke and this famous Bond villain has in common. This is not real.

You should wait until you get a lot of what Manchester United fans think of the Glazer family before making a decision on whether or not to support the club. Man U fans chant "Die, die, Glazer" whenever they see the owners of the Buccaneers in the UK.

Sean Bean's Alec Trevelyan is the most hate-filled Bond villain and I think of him when I think of angry fans. The character Bean has is not English, but pretends to be so as to be a soccer club owner. You think the team has been hit by the Goldeneye satellite because of the way they've run it.

Man U hasn't done much since Sir Alex Ferguson left, so zapping it with an EMP might as well be the way to go. If the death sequence that befell Trevelyan and his cronies happened to the Glazer bros, their supporters would be happy. I assure you that it is real.

The James Bond movie is called "A View to a Kill". Max Zorin is bent on ruining the competition by flooding Silicon Valley. Warriors owner Joe Lacob is a big fan of the San Francisco tech comps. With the housing market in that area the way it is, I doubt he would be on board with the ploy since he probably has a lot of real estate holdings in the flood zone that are worth more than a blow to the competition.

The rest of the NBA would be trembling like those workers in the mine shaft if we were able to get Dubs ownership into some ’80's frames, a blimp, and power suits.

It takes Bardem 15 minutes and 1,700 different facial expressions to die. The man doesn't have a notch below 11 and he dies a thousand deaths a game.

Both Bardem's performance and Ballmer's performance art are instantly recognizable. The scene in "Skyfall" where Bardem removed his fake teeth to show what happened to him, and the Clippers' owner screaming and acting crazy at a team rally, are both traumatizing to me.

Silva is trying to kill the hierarchy and Ballmer is trying to oust the Lakers from L.A. In the end, it didn't matter because both people pulled off major moves toward their end goal.

It's a little personal for me. The owner of the Pirates, Bob Nutting, is a media mogul just like the character in the movie. Carver wants to have a monopoly on news coverage by starting a war between China and Great Britain. Nutting wants to buy smaller papers and make money. It was kind of the opposite but still bad.

Nutting's underlings bungled the handling of a story so badly that most of them were fired or quit. The Atlantic ran an article about how to kill a newspaper. Pirates fans can attest to the fact that you don't get the nickname Bottom-line Bob if you're cheap.

Both Nutting and Jonathan Pryce have the ability to befuddle and enrage their audience.

Most of the time, we don't get a woman head honcho in the Bond world. There weren't many options because there are more women owners in sports than in Bond movies. The World is Not Enough and the L.A. Lakers are both excellent examples.

Both of them will continue until their fathers' empires are destroyed. My guess is that Jeanie has the same feelings about purple and gold as she does about oil in her veins.

Look at how they surround themselves with incompetence. King fell for her own kidnapper, Renard, who had a bullet lodged in his head that made him feel nothing, and she picked him and his group of terrorists to execute her vision. Buss has an inner circle that includes Rob Pelinka and the Rambises, as well as a bit of advice from Phil Jackson.

95 percent of theAustin Powers movies were inspired by "Moonraker". A film that influential deserves a family that has had a huge impact on sports ownership and how much we like to make fun of them. Mark is almost a parody of his father, who would have taken the crown had he still been alive. The tracksuits could blend in with the uniforms of the Moonraker crew with a few changes to the color schemes.

The Davis family motto is just as important as Drax's. There isn't a Mark Davis haircut in a make-believe universe with over-the-top villains. The first Bond movie came out in 1962, and in 60 years of borderline comic book-type foils, not a single one came close to Mark's suck cut.

There have been different versions of the character, with the most recent being the faceless one in the Daniel Craig films. We are lucky that there are two deserving owners. The first one to get the Blofeld is Jerry Jones. Blofeld wanted to use the company's infrastructure and resources to hold the planet hostage by using a giant space laser.

Jones may be able to bring a Super Bowl back to the Dallas Cowboys, but they often blow up just as spectacularly. If it was another franchise, we wouldn't be waiting for the other shoe to fall.

I don't know why he's the leader of the owner rogues gallery, but he's as powerful of an owner as there is in the National Football League. He needs to kill Bond before he is stripped of his leadership role. He is just as difficult to kill as Blofeld.

Hal has a long way to go to live up to his father's reputation. You can't have a list like this without the man who ran the empire. We don't know if George had a false bridge that dropped you into the pond. Yankee Stadium is definitely a lair even if it isn't in a volcano like Blofeld's base of operations.

You don't know if it'll be your last day as New York's manager or on Earth, so getting called into either office is frightening. Blofeld's two most bat-shit appearances are "Diamonds Are FOREVER" and "You Only Live Twice", and they are right up there with George and Jerry Jones.

If you don't have ambition, vision, and at least a small degree of competence, you don't get to be the leader of the team.

I apologized. It wasn't hard to pass up this opportunity.

Jaws is not used when the threat gets too large because every group of owners needs their muscle. He will bite anything to get the job done. I was able to see it.

48/ 48.