The phrase Swiss Army knife comes to mind when I think of a parent's job.
Ready to problem-solve any situation, many parents can jury-rig a broken shoelace on the way to school, scramble to retrieve forgotten sports equipment before a big tournament, and console a distraught teenager.
Parents hope to rise to the challenge by offering their child an ideal combination of emotional and practical support. Sometimes they get frustrated and fall short of their own expectations. The ability to handle the trials of being a parent depends on an adult's social-emotional skills.
Social-emotional learning, or SEL, is a common part of classroom curriculum in the U.S.
Parents need SEL strategies as well. The highs and lows of parenting require the ability to deal with a wide range of emotions at one time. Parents don't receive much support for developing this skill once they have kids of their own, and adults rarely learn how to do this during childhood.
Dr. Emanuele posed the question, "How do you manage your emotions so you act in a manner that's consistent with who?".
Parents are looking for answers to this question. They don't want to use threats to enforce screen time rules or shout at their toddler. Surprisingly straightforward SEL strategies can make a big difference: pausing, tending to basic needs, self-soothing, and practicing self-compassion
Emanuele says that it's important for parents to reflect on what makes it harder to manage their emotions. Parents can handle the emotional turmoil of parenting if they understand what they feel, how that informs their thinking, and how those thoughts affect their behavior. Financial strain, racism, and a global Pandemic are some of the experiences that make it difficult to cope. SEL strategies can help parents develop a more positive relationship with themselves, and as a result, more loving, supportive interactions with their kids.
Five parenting SEL skills can be used.
There isn't a lot of time for parenting. It is more like a pinball game in which parents feel like they are careening from one moment to the next. Emanuele says parents should stop and think about what's happening in that moment. It's important to use this skill when a parent acts in a way that doesn't feel right to them.
We don't stop to think about what's happening here because we're so overwhelmed. We either go down the rabbit hole of emotional hell or do things that don't work
"What happens is we get so overwhelmed that we don't actually stop to think about what's happening here."
Staying in the moment is about taking stock of your feelings and behaviors. Emanuele knows how hard this can be. When a parent wants to avoid their emotions, it may be uncomfortable. The act of pausing can help stop runaway emotions and impulsivity and help a parent respond to the situation in a way that reflects their values.
When the stakes are low, practicing pausing as a skill is strengthened. Emanuele suggests that parents consider how they feel when they don't have a phone.
She says that parents who grew up without high-speed internet or smart devices know from their own childhood that there used to be times when nothing was happening, which makes it easier to be aware of emotions or thoughts. Pauses were easy to come by.
She says that they need to make them because they don't have that anymore.
One of Dr. Kim's SEL strategies is self-care. Kim believes that sleeping and eating well can help people develop a positive emotional baseline.
"Just regulating those things so you're in a fresh place to be able to make good decisions and manage your emotions is important," says Kim, vice president of education, research, and impact at Committee for Children
Adults who are aware that they are hangry or exhausted are in a better position to handle stress because they have access to high-quality sleep and nutrition. A parent could say, "Hey, I'm also hungry, and when I'm hungry it's hard for me to stay calm." Is it possible to stop and have a snack?
Sleeping and eating well can be overlooked. Five minutes of meditation, drinking water throughout the day, taking a regular 15-minute walk, and writing in journals all count as self-care that can help parents manage stress. Kim suggests designing a self-care routine, sticking with the plan, and tracking progress to help people form new habits.
The phrase "self-soothing" can be heard back in the infancy of a child. The hope is that a baby will be soothed after waking from sleep with a pacifier, stuffed animal, or favorite blanket. Self-soothing is not limited to babies.
Emanuele says that parents need to counter stress. Emanuele teaches children how to use the five senses in therapy. Touch can be used to hug a loved one or pet an animal. Hearing sense is influenced by listening to a favorite musician. Driving and seeing a beautiful sunset. A parent who is stressed out can be helped by these activities.
Emanuele says it's important to choose carefully if you want to relieve tension. A glass of wine or slice of cake might feel like a well-deserved treat, but it could be an ineffective way to deal with stress. The point is that vices may work against a parent's self-soothing efforts. Parents may enjoy a drink if they are not overwhelmed. They can use self-soothing methods like putting on an impromptu dance party or reading a good book.
She says it's important to always be thinking about whether this will help or hurt her. Try another thing if the answer is no.
It makes caregivers feel like they have to be perfect at all times. They need to be warm enough that their child feels emotionally connected to them, but also be an authoritative adult who sets reasonable boundaries. Parents are left wondering if they can make mistakes or have intense emotions.
Kim says that the pressure is not manageable. The parents will lose their temper.
She says that it's fine to have strong emotions, but you may have to regulate them.
Parents can practice self-compassion when they realize they have mishandled their feelings. Kim says that social- emotional development is a lifelong process. In the wake of disappointing behavior, it is possible for parents to offer themselves kindness. It shows that a parent can deal with a mistake and talk through it, instead of dwelling on the mistake and insist on perfectness.
It's a misconception that self-compassion is a permission slip. Think of it as a commitment to do better next time.
It's difficult to imagine a parent on the planet who doesn't need more support in the midst of a Pandemic. According to a recent survey of parents by the Child Mind Institute, more than half of them experienced a traumatic event during the Pandemic, including the death of a family member, loss of a parent's job, and food insufficiency. It can be difficult to cope with stress because of trauma.
"When adults have strong emotional skills, it helps them be role models."
Emanuele says it's important that caregivers consider seeking help for their emotional and psychological well being. It's possible that parents who are experiencing trauma, anxiety, and depression are struggling more often than not. If they've been having trouble for awhile, or are unable to perform daily tasks, they should consider receiving care for their mental health issues. It's worth noting that economic and workplace policies have been shown to boost well-being, indicating that systems can help improve people's mental health.
Emanuele says that SEL strategies alone won't help someone recover from a mental health crisis. A profound difference can be made by receiving high-quality care. The capacity of a parent to handle tough emotions is improved.
Kim says that practicing SEL strategies is beneficial for parents and their children.
All Rights Reserved © 2024
