When it comes to life and love, TikTok is the internet's agony aunt. Some of it helped and some of it didn't. There is a lot of information available about avoiding toxic partners, but what about those who encourage bad behavior?
The author of How To Date Men When You Hate Men picked up the book at a second hand bookstore. The advice chapter by chapter on her TikTo k quickly went viral and spun into a series of reviews of popular dating books. The early-2000s dating advice just isn't how we date anymore and it was interesting to see the evolution of dating through these books.
Ilinca was inspired by the toxic advice she came across in the books to start posting her own toxic dating tips. Ilinca says to kiss him on the forehead. Make him fall in love with you and then stop it two days later. Text the person you're dating "here" to let them know you're not happy. Don't worry, just watch as it plays out. We are in a patriarchal society. "Enabling women with the types of dating tricks that men have always pulled it grabs people's attention." We can play it better if you think you can play it.
The internet, and TikTok in particular, is full of meaningful relationship advice for improving communication, spotting red flags, and helping with deeper connections. The requirement of always being morally correct on the internet seems to have lost its charm.
"Toxic TikTok" is a section of the platform where creators give tips about texting, gaslighting, and crushing a man's ego. The videos have amassed a large following and gained over 500 million views. The community is about setting boundaries and not walking over them. It is a wake up call for the people pleasers who have always compromised on their own wants and needs.
Ilinca made it clear that the advice is not a mean one. She says it's never about thinking you're better than anyone. If you're in a situation where someone is playing games and you feel like they have a leg up on you, here's how to fight that.
A college student from New York ranted in a video about what boys don't understand about girls after she was upset with a guy she was talking to. Her video has been viewed millions of times. Her account has grown to 5.1 million followers where she gives honest relationship advice to straight men.
"I've had a lot of experiences with guys and I have a lot of girlfriends," she says. We talk about what a guy did, what a guy said, and how we feel about it. Girls have a community where they can overshare and have no boundaries.
There are toxic ways to get into a woman's head, toxic things girls will do to guys, and the best ways to play hard to get. I want people to know that they are heard, and that these are issues that many people experience.
The trend that emerged in the spring was a rejection of the expectation of continuous personal growth. Straight women are encouraged to take back the power straight cis men have held onto because of internet trends. The dating scene is already being changed by these attitudes. According to recent psychological research, dating opportunities for heterosexual men are decreasing as relationship standards rise, with men needing to address skills deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations. Poor communication skills are addressed. There are no issues here.
"This generation is very cut-throat. I’m tired of seeing women settle for the bare minimum."
Two years ago, the creator of TikTok joined the app and began posting fitness content. It was his toxic therapy content that blew up with views. "My content isn't to hurt any men or anything like that, it's to help women out in certain situations and let them know they are worth more than they think." You have to have good values for yourself.
This generation is very competitive. I don't want to see women settle for the bare minimum and I want to help people understand that. Don't allow anyone to walk over you. This is where I'm coming from with these videos.
Despite the popularity of these tongue-in-cheek tips, they shouldn't be seen as a way to form long-term relationships. Ilinca says it's a reaction to how women have always been told to make others feel comfortable. "I think the pendulum will swing a bit more extreme and then we'll level out."
"We have to be mindful that some people will not understand our true intentions and if someone uses some of the toxic advice, they are likely to get hurt."
Setting boundaries and advocating for yourself is a good thing, but ignoring how your actions affect other people is toxic. Kathy Nickerson is worried about how consumers will view toxic advice when it comes to their relationships. I am a big fan of sarcasm and I understand the desire to push back on negative relationship advice. She says that if someone uses some of the toxic advice, they are likely to get hurt. It makes it difficult for people on the spectrum to understand what to do when on a date. Trust is undermined by beinghaving in a bad way. I want someone to be authentic, honest, and kind.
Some people take it too far. TikTok promotes dating practices that rely on manipulation and archaic gender roles.
Some may think that the two dating styles are similar, but they are not. Ilinca says that the "alpha male" version of dating teaches that certain people are not as good as others. Don't text him back for seven hours is a different story. The thing is not the same. Toxic TikTok is about self-defence rather than being manipulated.
The goal is to protect yourself from being pushed too far physically or emotionally. Control and punishment are part of a toxic boundary. The relationship will erode if you act in ways to control your partner. Asking for what you need is a better way to go. You have some decisions to make if your partner doesn't give you that.
Ilinca says that it comes down to what your goals are in a relationship. It was fun to indulge in relationships that weren't so healthy. When you're in that season of your life, you're looking for different advice.
If you find yourself waiting for a guy to text you back, you should check out #ToxicTikTok.
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