Why is everyone horny for Martha Stewart?

The internet has been so thirsty that it's obsessed with the one and only 81-year-old Martha Stewart.

Stewart's advertisement for Green Mountain Coffee Roasters was the subject of a lot of attention on Saturday, not because of a new line of home goods or a new cookbook, but because of it. She is naked save for a Green Mountain Coffee Roasters apron. I agree with her that she is a thing of natural beauty.

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The ad came from somewhere. Stewart has been using the internet for a long time. She's been giving it since we asked for it. What good will that be? She wears a white silk robe with fur cuffs in one of her posts, which is affectionately known as "I just killed my rich husband robe." Stewart has not self-windowed and her ex- husband is still breathing, but the robe is very sexy.

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At 81 years old, Stewart is posting more thirst traps than many of her peers and for that, we must celebrate. She's been hot for a long time. She was on the cover of SPY magazine. She's one of the best friends of the man. She's taking sexy selfies by the pool, she's eating oysters, and she's kissing the camera with her lipgloss on. She is in a relationship with a famous MILF lover. She said she was waiting on her friends to die so she could get their husbands.

Martha Stewart is hot every few months. I have given up trying to understand why she is doing this, and have decided to just enjoy the beauty that is Martha Stewart's internet.

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