I've been dating a guy for three years. I didn't talk to my mother-in-law for the last year. She has always made me feel bad. The first time I went over for a family dinner, she made me move seats at the table three times because the first three chairs were occupied by people who weren't in attendance. She has made me uncomfortable, and we have been together for a long time. She came over when my boyfriend was away. We were able to visit and see what was going on. I didn't know she was looking at my home when she went to the bathroom. There was a pack of cigarettes in the room. Even if we smoked, it was our concern. When she found them, she screamed at me, called my boyfriend, and berated him for having cigarettes in our house. The fight went on for a while. My boyfriend told her she couldn't speak that way again.
You're not alone in this.
Is it okay for me to choose my boyfriend over my family?
She has made the situation worse. She says that she doesn't want to be around me and that she is intimidating. Birthdays and holidays have gone by quickly. My boyfriend is not invited to many family events. She said "only you are invited" to my boyfriend. If the rest of my life didn't include her, I would be happy but it would put a strain on our relationship. My monster-in-law isn't the only thing that's perfect. He is my soul mate. I want to make him happy but this doesn't seem to be my problem. She has kicked me out of the family because of her behavior. I need some advice on how to talk to her. I don't know if I say anything. I want peace and I want my boyfriend to be happy, but I don't know if I'm willing to jeopardize my happiness to be with her again.
I felt like I was dead to her.
I'm sorry you've had a difficult relationship with your mother-in-law. It's not ok to be yelled at and insulted in your home over your choices. She has made herself out to be the victim and never apologized. It seems your boyfriend's mom is trying to lose control over her son, and she is getting satisfaction by keeping you away from him as much as she can. Your boyfriend shouldn't let this happen.
Can you help? My mom wants to be our real estate agent.
Your boyfriend did a good job confronting her after the freak out, but he hasn't upheld any boundaries in regards to how she treats you. Her bad behavior is reinforced when she excludes you from family events and holidays, and her boyfriend continues to attend despite you being snubbed. There is a future with this person. Are you going to want to deal with this for a long time? If you have children, what will happen? Is he going to go to holiday celebrations without you?
I think it is time to address this issue during the holidays. If he doesn't attend, you need to say you're a package deal.
At the end of the day this is your partner's mom and you don't want to sacrifice your happiness to be around her. She is going to be in your life because your boyfriend doesn't want to cut her off.
This conflict isn't sustainable for your relationship, and it's already causing strain, so really sitting down and having a discussion about how the two of you will proceed is going to be necessary It's usually best to let partners handle their own family, but it may be a good idea to attend some family therapy with your partner. When you are triggered by her, look into positive ways to deal with it. Did you know that gray rocking is a thing? Here, you can learn more about it.
This havoc is created by people like your boyfriend's mom, so don't give her anything.
Wishing you a happy and healthy life.
Morgan is a character in the movie "Morgan."
How to set boundaries with the person in your life.
Morgan Absher is an occupational therapist in Los Angeles who hosts a radio show called "Two Hot Takes" where she and her co- hosts give out advice. She shares her advice in a weekly column. She can be found on TikTok, Twohottakes and on the internet. If you would like to share your story with her, you can do so by clicking here.
The article was originally published on USA TODAY. I need help.
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