The actor wrote about her abusive relationship with her mom.
She said her mother made her two brothers shower together.
On the show "Red Table Talk," McCurdy said that she now recognizes it as a control tactic.
On the season premiere of "Red Table Talk," the star of "i Carly" shared details of her mother's abuse, including forced showers at 11 years old with her brother.
The award-winning actress, known for her role as Sam Puckett, wrote a memoir about her mother's death. She said her mother abused her until she died of cancer.
On "Red Table Talk," McCurdy explained how her mother forced her and her brother to get into the shower with her when she insisted on washing them.
She told the hosts of "Red Table Talk" that her mother wanted to check her breasts for cancer.
She said her home felt like a place of chaos and turbulence when she was a child.
She said that her mother forced her to sleep on mats on the floor. The neighbor threatened to call Child Protective Services when he heard screaming matches through the family's door. In the past, Mark would be chased around the house with a kitchen knife by his daughter.
When she was 11 she went to the doctor with her because she thought her mother's actions were not appropriate. There, her mother seemed to agree with the doctor. She said on "Red Table Talk" that she appreciated McCurdy for eating as little as possible to appear young.
Five years before that doctor's appointment, McCurdy had dreadlocks on her face.
She said that McCurdy had to wash her hair because she didn't know how to do it. She justified the group showers by saying she had too much to do and bathing her brother together would speed things up.
There was a death in the year 2013). She went to therapy to heal from the abusive relationship. Though her mother was never diagnosed with a mental illness, McCurdy said her own therapist thinks she had a number of mental illnesses.
She said on "Red Table Talk" that she is still in therapy to get over her codependence. She's always looking for a partner with a high level of self esteem.
She hid her emotions from her mother because she wanted her to be happy.
She felt like she couldn't say no to her because of her mother's illness. She used to reel at any physical contact from other people. McCurdy would pull back if someone reached out for a hug.
It's a response common among daughters who experience physical abuse at the hands of their mothers according to trauma therapist Kelly McDaniel.
A mother and daughter bond is a pseudo-marriage. It's hard for the daughter to be an independent sexual being.
She is still trying to heal from her childhood. She doesn't want to forgive her mother, but she and her brothers are still close.
One day, my therapist asked me what I would do if I didn't have to work towards forgiveness.
She said that giving up on forgiveness was the key to letting go of guilt.
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