When my son was three months old, he screamed so hard that he vomited and then passed out for an hour in the car. You can see the marks on my thighs.
Researchers have come up with a formula to explain when a T may rear its head in a car.
I don't know how to alleviate poverty during a time of inflation when E is entertainment, F is food and T is 70. You have 70 minutes, plus whatever time you can buy with entertainment and snacks, minus the knee- kicking, snot-wiping, humming, farting, vomiting effect of other siblings in the back seat.
It is nice to see higher education institutions giving money and resources to early years research. There should be proper data on mental health of mothers. I don't think I need a mathematician to explain why children have tempers. The fact that there is a correlation between hunger, boredom, annoying siblings and nuclear meltdowns is not news to a man who has no children, few friends and has devoted his life to collecting early two valve record players. The rest of us are aware of it. We know that we must trust us.
I don't remember much about my childhood temper. I was a bit more of a complainer. Sometimes I wanted someone to kick me so I wouldn't have a reason to complain.
My son, on the other hand, is capable of launching himself into the air at any time. It doesn't have to be a hot car on a crowded motorway with a whiff of your sister's bile in order to bring about such an opportunity.
My son once had a 45 minute scream in the middle of the woods, surrounded by nothing louder than a bird and a flower. After about 20 minutes, a dog walker came over to check that I wasn't amputating one of his legs. The boy, who was three years old at the time, stood in the middle of the path, with his fists in the air, and his cheeks burning, as I carried him over my shoulder. After sitting on the floor for two hours, I asked him what caused the scene: "When we walked over that stream, you told me to be cautious."
You can see his point. Not to accidentally fall into some knee-depth water during a nice walk in nature is one of the few slights more wounding. Cowboys have been shot many times.
They have missed a trick. What hasn't been studied in a lot of detail is how to alleviate parental tempers. When the grownups lose it.
I know I'm not the only one who had to walk away from my son when he ate clumps of sheep fluff from his buggy. The local children's centre finally opened for its afternoon session after I went hell for leather against that steadfast chunk of bark.
I would be happy to see how it all comes together if I were given a formula to solve that.
Frizzell is a journalist and author.
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