Gambling disorder: 'It took me to save Peter Shilton'

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Peter Shilton had the world at his feet. He was in the grip of a gambling addiction his entire adult life until his wife came to his rescue. In her own words, Steph Shilton talks about her life with a gambling addiction and how she is determined to help other people like her.

I noticed his suspicious behavior after we met. He would leave the room to use his phone, but he wasn't very open about it.

I thought there was someone else. There is a third party involved in your relationship if you are living with a gambling addiction.

I could see the same number on his phone. The company it was for was abetting.

I thought he was just playing a game and not gambling in front of me.

He had a tote on his computer. He was looking at a horse race in Australia while he was sleeping. He could bet on any race in the world.

Image source, Peter and Steph Shilton

That's when I realized that it wasn't a hobby at all. He had a problem.

I wanted to speak to him. I had seen people go through withdrawal while working in the health service. I didn't want to put too much pressure on him.

He was very defensive. He said it was nothing more than a way to relax. He loved horse-racing. He was excited about it. It was part of the culture for managers and players to own horses.

People assume that gamblers are down-and-out because of their intelligence. It's hard to get through to a gambler because you can't spot them. They don't want people to know about it. It was hard for me to live with that.

For 45 years he had been a gambler.

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He wanted to marry me in Barbados. I told him I couldn't marry him because he was a gambler. I am concerned that you are trapped in it.

I didn't give him a deadline.

I didn't keep my finances together. I tell loved ones of gamblers to keep their financial independence and not lend money.

He would burn his bank statement when he got it.

While he was away, his bank statement arrived. I wanted to know how much he gambled. I opened it and there were pages and pages of his money going to BetFair.

It felt like it was hitting. I was surprised by the core. He is so sick that I thought. My heart was broken by it.

He wasn't happy with me. I told him that he had an addiction and that I was here to help him.

I lost a baby. He was really good. He nursed me and I thought he would give up for me.

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I think he changed after we lost a baby and he was worried that he was going to lose me.

I think he was starting to realize that he had a serious problem and that he wasn't going to be able to get married or go to Barbados.

I worked at it slowly rather than screaming and stomping.

I was worried about his well-being. He was going down and he looked terrible.

He was getting withdrawn in our relationship.

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He went upstairs one Sunday. He was trying to get some money for the job he did. I said that I needed to clear my head and that I would be moving in the spare bedroom.

He couldn't sleep in the morning.

He told me that he was going to quit but he needed me to do it with him.

We held each other up. It was the greatest moment of my life.

I stopped working to help him. He withdrew completely.

He doesn't recall the first week. He needed to start a new life.

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To keep him calm it was a daily battle to keep him focused. He was looking for a wager. It began to go away in three months. He became a golfer. We took a beach walk.

We were able to do it on our own. They didn't do anything at all after I contacted them and asked them to help.

I was trying to deal with my own feelings. It is hard to be around.

I was concerned that his dad's death would push him back. I had to overcome my fears and trust issues.

We heard about young people taking their own lives after he quit.

I told Peter he needed to do something. He said, "That's it, I have to try and save lives"

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It required a lot of courage. In January 2020 we did an interview to raise awareness, and the next morning we got messages from people who were addicted.

I was overcome with emotion. There were people who were going to get help for their addictions. Pete is still trying to raise awareness.

The loved ones are just as much the victims as the addicted, and it's being ignored. I was the one who was recovering.

I went to school to become a therapist and spoke to theAddiction Recovery Agency, who was looking for new hires.

I have been with them since April working on their project. Six to 10 are the number of people affected by one person gambling.

The financial issues are what's needed, not just the emotional side of it. There are people who are angry, parents who want to tell off their children for getting addicted, and you have to explain that this is an illness. Drugs are no different to it.

They need more support to be able to carry on and not return.

If you have a hunch about your loved one, go with it. Do you have that suspicion?

You have to be strong to get through it all.

We wonder if we really went through all that when we look back now. Both of us are proud of it.

I could see the peace of mind he had when he came back, he said this was the happiest he had ever been in his life.

Seven-and-a-half years have passed.

I think it's ironic that he was one of the greatest goalkeepers in the world and I was the one who saved a part of him.

• Betfair said it had changed its policies since Shilton's recovery, and in such circumstances now would suspend an account and impose an exclusion order if there were concerns a customer was not in control of their gambling.
• If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article help and advice is available here.