American Airlines On Why We’re Last In Customer Satisfaction: TBH, We Just Don’t Care…

The Chief Operating Officer of American Airlines was recently asked what the airline was doing to improve customer satisfaction. The answer was straight forward.

A pilot for a Texas airline asked David Seymour what the airline was doing about its last place finish in a customer satisfaction survey.

The answer elicited audible gasps and a few chortles from the crowd.

“To be honest, we just don’t give a ,” stated Seymour, bluntly delivering the line before elaborating. “Listen, our customers are idiots – most of them anyway. No matter how bad we treat them they keep coming back. We actually commissioned a survey a few years back and it found – shockingly – that many customers felt like an abused spouse in their relationship with our great airline. Turns out it doesn’t matter how we treat them. They keep coming back.”

After that line, Seymour smirked. Sometimes we have to apologize and sometimes we have to say that it is the last time, but our customers always come back. We don't care what we throw at them. We are in the top 10. It's the top 10. That is a wonderful achievement.

Some members of the audience applauded when the COO revealed how the company plans to spend some of the money it saves on customer service.

• Bigger bonuses for executives
• Funding paying AA flight attendants during boarding
• Remodeling and reducing the size of AA clubs
• Continuing to pay flight attendants who refuse to retire despite having served for 307 years or more
• Paying JD Power and Associates to bump them higher up on the 2023 survey

The post is called...satire.