How Jennette McCurdy Survived Child Stardom to Write a Stunning Memoir

She went to therapy after losing her mother to cancer. The actor had been pushed into a demoralizing career in the entertainment industry and encouraged to have an eating disorder by her mother. As a result of her mother's death, McCurdy walked away from the Hollywood machine and began to work. "I felt compelled to do it." I had to get it out before I thought about anything else.

She wrote a memoir after performing a one-woman show called "I'm Glad My Mom died" She shows herself to be a stingingly funny and insightful writer in her upcoming book. It is more than just a document of what she has gone through, but also of the wisdom she has gained along the way.

She tells Time how she got ready to write it.

TIME: Before you wrote this book, you were performing a one-woman show with this same title. How are they different?

They have the same name and are bothautobiographical and my life. I think they are two different projects. There is a musical in the live show. I struggled the most after she died. My Mormon upbringing, as well as my experience as a child actor, are covered in the book.

Was there a critical juncture where it felt like it was time to write the book?

It was important for me to have experience in therapy because it is so personal. I didn't say I wanted to write a memoir when I talked to a therapist. I want to go to a place where I have the perspective to do it. It was a long time before I felt like I could explore all that personal stuff.

How do you feel about Hollywood now, having had such difficult experiences in the child-star assembly line?

There are many layers of gratefulness. I think of Hollywood less as a domineering force and more as a place where you can surround yourself with good people. My faith in it has been restored by the people around me.

Do you feel like you’ve recovered from what you’ve went through? When I think about my own recovery, sometimes I feel healed, and sometimes I feel like I’m just performing being healed.

I wondered if it was possible to be so full of sh-t that you can't see it. I thought I had done too much therapy for that. I think I have recovered from eating disorders. I think that elements of my relationship with my mom will always be something that I explore in some way, whether that is subconsciously or creatively. I don't think that's a bad thing I don't feel like I'm re-traumatizing by exploring that relationship.

There’s so much pain in this book, but you write about it with such grace and humor. What were the influences that helped you develop that?

My relationship with my brothers has been very supportive. My grandpa gave me lots of love and support. It's oddly entertainment. A lot of comfort can be found in movies, books, and shows. It is important for people who were raised in lonely environments.

Were there books that you read in the process of writing your own that were touchstones for you?

I like The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. She does a great job of telling humor in a colorful but clear way.

Let’s say your book gets turned into a show, and there’s a 7-year-old actor who’s going to play young you. What advice would you give her?

The set should hire a child psychologist to be present for her. I would respect that she is a child and talk to her like she is. When I was a child actor, people would either talk to you like you were an adult or like you were dumb. Kids deserve better than those two. My hope is that child actors don't lose their authenticity. If you lose sight of who you are beneath the characters and lights and red carpets, you will get rattled.

When all that stuff went away, what were the things you found about yourself that surprised you?

You have a lot of opinions around you because you are in the public eye. My mom's opinion was the most powerful for me because it was so in my ear that I couldn't identify what I wanted or needed. I had to take a break. I didn't want to act anymore. I didn't use social media for a long time. I was determined to recover. I was able to identify what I wanted and needed when I connected with myself. It's basic, but it's really difficult for me.

Do you think Hollywood is changing with respect to body positivity? I thought your book peeled back the veneer on diet culture in the entertainment industry in a way that was unusual.

If they had good intentions and just thought they were saying something nice, I don't blame them for reinforcing my eating problems. There were many comments that made me uneasy.

Beyond the specifics of what you went through, do you think it’s still a problem more endemically?

The best path for me has always been to work on myself, and then I feel like I can survive whatever society throws at me. My hope is that people will continue to work on their mental health Each person has a say in what happens.

It sounds like you have good boundaries.

People talk about boundaries too much. I heard the phrase in therapy. I wanted to know what the boundaries that people are talking about. I didn't know how to use it. In order to learn to do boundaries in a graceful way, there was a lot of trial and error.

Will you write more books?

A novel and a collection of essays are in the works. One after the other. I have two projects at the same time, so I am avoiding burnout.

How does it feel now, on the precipice of releasing your memoir?

I spent six years of time, effort, and energy on the things that I explore in this book. I was able to explore it creatively because of that work. What ended up on the page is what I believe in. I feel like I'm in good shape. I'm prepared.

The interview has been edited to make it clearer.

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