He couldn't find a date.

He disliked black people.

He may have been a victim of school bully.

It should if any of that sounds familiar. Every time there is a mass shooting in this country, the explanations are the same. Reporters dutifully waylay the shooter's parents, teachers and friends to ask how this could happen, as was the case last week in Highland Park north of Chicago. The portrait comes out.

He didn't like Jews very much.

He might have been depressed.

He might have been a solitary person.

The neon thread woven through it all doesn't seem to be much of an issue. That pronoun is "he." It's always, "he." We don't pay much attention to it. It doesn't seem to register. Maybe it shouldn't. The Violence Project, a nonpartisan and nonprofit anti-violence think tank, found that four of the 172 mass shootings since 1966 were committed by females. It is a little more than 2%.

While we debate mass shootings as a bigotry problem, a mental-health problem, an access-to-guns problem, we should also discuss it as a men problem. The numbers suggest that it is more a men problem. Most of the people framing the discussion don't know what they're talking about. Men themselves is the meaning of the word.

Self reflection isn't easy when you're considered the norm. Self reflection is something that needs to be done. There's a riposte from the old sitcom.

I asked if you ever thought about what the world would be like without men.

There is a bunch of fat, happy women.

It is hilarious because it is true. For the same reason.

Indicting men is not enough. Private gun ownership is not uncommon in other countries. This country does have random gun violence, yet they don't.

The question is not "What's wrong with men?" but "What's wrong with American men?" Our culture leaves boys and men with this grotesque sense of entitlement, this ability to decide that because they are having a bad day, because they get their feelings hurt, because life hasn't been great.

There are bad days for everyone. Everyone has feelings for one another. Life doesn't go according to plan for everyone. American men often take this as an excuse to shoot up churches.

After that, we get thoughts and prayers, as well as candlelight vigils and signs proclaiming "_________ Strong", while the media tries to understand why this terrible thing happened. We run past the most promising line of inquiry many times. He hated Asians. He might have wanted revenge. He might have been fired.

It is important to remember that "he" is always "he."

We need to ask ourselves why.