Child psychologist: The No. 1 skill that sets mentally strong kids from ‘those who give up’—and how parents can teach it

As an educational psychologist, I have seen how the events of today are affecting our children.

An 11-year-old told me recently that it was difficult to stop thinking about bad things. I sometimes worry about waking up

Kids' overall well-being can decline without the right tools to deal with adversity. They are different from those who give up easily because of their belief in hope.

According to research, hopefulness can reduce anxiety and depression in children. Kids with a sense of control. They see challenges and obstacles as temporary and can be overcome so they are more likely to help others.

Hope isn't included in our parenting agendas. There is good news. It is possible to teach hope. The best way to increase strength is to teach children how to deal with bumps in the road.

Nine science-backed ways to help kids keep hope are included.

1. Stop negativity in the moment.

It is important for kids to catch negative vibes before they become a habit. Pull on your ear if you want to signal a negative comment. They should be encouraged to stop thinking negatively.

Kids can control it if they create a nickname for it. When your child says, "I'm getting better at this," salute it.

2. Use hopeful mantras.

Words are powerful. Help your child develop a positive attitude. They should be taught to use the phrase to decrease pessimism.

You can use quote creation platforms to make a phone screensaver for your child. Adopt one for yourself. Say it until you become your child's voice.

When I was a kid, I said to my kids, "I have what it takes!"

3. Teach brainstorming.

Hopeful children don't always deal with problems. They know problems can be solved.

Explain to your child that it is possible to get unstuck. Then teach the students how to think outside of the box. The acronym S.T.A.N.D. can be used to help children remember the steps.

• Slow down so you can think.
• Tell your problem.
• Ask: “What else can I do?”
• Name everything you could do to solve it without judgements.
• Decide the best choice and do it.

4. Share hopeful news.

Kids hear positive stories. The world can be created by violent media. Children's hope is kept alive by uplifting news.

From time to time, look for uplifting news stories to share with your children. It is a good idea to have your children read a good part of each person's day.

Remember when you couldn't make friends? You have great friends now.

5. Ask ‘what if?’

Pessimistic kids think of bad probabilities which makes them less hopeful. Hopeful children learn to assess correctly. When your child is unsure, ask "what-if" type of questions.

If you didn't try that, what would happen? The worst thing that could happen? What is the likelihood of that happening? What is the most probable outcome?

If potential outcomes are as bad as they think, these questions can help. That knowledge can lead to something else.

6. Celebrate small gains.

Hope is boosted by seeing a small success. Success is defined as a small improvement over the previous performance. Your child should be able to identify gains.

You got nine words right last time. You have 10 today. It is a gain. Yesterday you had one run and today you had two. It is a gain.

7. Boost assertiveness.

It's hard to self-advocate for kids who feel sad. The mid-point between passivity and aggression is known as the "assertive" point.

Body language is also important. It's important to teach the basics of confident body language. Look in the person's eyes.

Brainstorms can help your child stand up for herself. That is not correct. I don't want to do that Your child can defend themselves.

8. Create gratitude rituals.

Kids are happy. People who keep gratitude journals feel better about their lives in just 10 weeks, according to a study.

Each family member is required to reveal one thing they are grateful for during a meal time tradition. Everyone is supposed to name someone they are grateful for at night. A family journal is a good way to remember the good parts of your children's lives.

9. Embrace service.

Decreases in misfortunes can lead to hopelessness. Children are shown that they can make differences in other people's lives.

Adults who model hope are good for kids. Kids can put gently-used toys, clothes, and games in a charity box. Deliver it to a family in need.

Support the efforts of your children's cause. The projects should not be designed to look good on a resume. Don't follow their lead.

She is the author of "UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World" and is an educational psychologist. You can follow her on social media.

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