The democratic socialist and academic said he had come to terms with the fact that he might have to spend the rest of his life.

He knows that he will be hated by nationalists in the country he fled, but also by the people who died in the war he opposed.

After what Russia did, how can you make anything other than hatred? Matveev wanted to know. If there ever is peace, there will be hate and memories that will last a long time. It's understandable if Ukrainians don't like me.

There will be no easy postwar reconciliation after the bombing and killing of more than 600 men, women, and children in a Mariupol theater.

Matveev said in an interview that he felt a lot of shame. I'm very ashamed of Russian soldiers, even though I'm not personally responsible for the war.

It is a crime in Russia to acknowledge that what Moscow is doing is a war. Matveev, an associate dean for international relations at the North-West Academy for Public Administration, left a country he didn't know for one he loved. After the February invasion it became intolerable for liberals, Marxists and anyone else who would not remain silent as their homeland became an international pariah.

Matveev said that his country is destroyed in every way. Russia has turned its back on cultural and academic exchanges, extinguishing hope that an open society could be built from the bottom up. The destruction of everything is what it is.

It's difficult to say how many other Russians feel the same way. There was an increase in the number of Russians leaving the country. The majority of antiwar socialist dissidents are driven by concerns about their economic prospects.

Russians who spoke to Insider were not always comfortable sharing their opinions. It is possible that some may wish to come back. Matveev asked that his host country not be revealed in order to avoid drawing attention to the fact that it is hosting anti-Putin activists.

The Russian diaspora is made up of people who have the means to leave, something not available to the majority of Russians who are suffering under sanctions.

A necessary evil

Matveev believes that the mass is not to blame for a war that was started by a single man. He doesn't like seeing the pain imposed by sanctions that have hurt the economy and caused shortages of things like medicine.

He said that he wasn't going to cheer that he was allowed to live abroad.

He said that he couldn't call for the lifting of sanctions because he thought they could be effective. Russia's military-industrial complex could be hurt by what hurts the economy.

Matveev knows that his country needs to lose.

He said that Russia needed to be defeated.

Russia's democratic left finds itself more anti-Moscow than other socialists in the US and Western Europe because of the wisdom of Noam Chomsky.

Matveev said that most of the left-wingers were incorrect on this. The anti-imperialist travelers echoed Chomsky's argument that concerns about an imminent invasion were an annual media event. Matveev said that they are still wrong on this. They don't know that there is a world outside the west. They don't accept this idea.

Ukrainians are seen as a proxy for the US in order to stop the war. Matveev said ceding territory and laying down arms means "ethnic cleansing." "For Ukrainians, the fight is a nightmare scenario, and the worst thing that will happen for Russia is that it will go back to its borders," he said.

Confused and in exile

In today's Russia, openly protesting against the government is impossible. Some Russians have found it easier to transition to the opposition abroad. They can publish what they think is right.

Budraitskis was based in Moscow until recently. In the wake of Russia's support for armed insurrection in east Ukraine, he warned that his country was as imperialist as Washington.

"I didn't believe until the last moment that this invasion was possible, because it was clear that it's such a stupid plan," he said, speaking to Insider thousands of miles from home.

Budraitskis has joined the Russians. He is still coming to terms with his new reality and the possibility that he will never return to the place he was born in.

He said that he was confused by his new life as an expatriate, one where banks are hesitant to open an account for him. He blames the lack of dissent around Putin for pushing him and other Russians out of Russia.

The only powerful political institution is an old man. No one around him is able to balance his decisions.

He argued that the point of propaganda in modern Russia is not to rally people behind a government that can't change things. Budraitskis explained that it's more "psychotherapy", a state-sponsored mechanism that helps people sleep at night because they have a reason to.

The only thing a Russian can do within Russia is to keep their head down and try to improve their own life.

People feel like they can't do anything because of their material condition. Budraitskis said that whatever they do, wherever they go, it doesn't work. There are few prospects and less hope in the more remote parts of the country.

These people don't support either the war or Putin. Budraitskis said that they have never seen any change in their lives because of their daily practice.

He doesn't see the pain inflicted on the Russians as contributing to the end of a war. For the sake of Ukraine as well as his own country, he believes there can't be a victory for Moscow.

There should be some loss to end the regime.

Tell us about a news story. C Davis is the reporter for Insider.