England v New Zealand: Headingley role 'a dream tinged with anxiety'

The third Test at Headingley will be broadcast on the Today at the Test programme.

It's a place that I really like to visit. I appeared on Test Match Special at that ground.

It wouldn't be true if I said that I was returning to Headingley to do my dream job. When I was a kid, I didn't know it was possible to present the TV highlights of a Test match.

It's beyond a dream to be doing that right now.

There is a cloud over the Yorkshire County Cricket Club that makes me feel a little uneasy.

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Over the past year, Azeem Rafiq and other people have come forward with their experiences of racism. People falling out of love with a game they once loved is one of the stories of lost potential.

It feels like the England men's team are going back to the scene of the crime.

When Yorkshire were stripped of the right to hold the third Test against New Zealand, they had to prove that the club had changed.

There are a few things that I want to make clear.

I have never had a direct experience with the racist behavior that has been alleged by Rafiq and the others, and that's one of the reasons.

Hearing what they had to say made me think about my time playing the game as a kid. Is that the case? I don't know if that coach actually said that to me. There are instances, but nothing like what we've heard recently.

I don't think people associated with Yorkshire cricket are racist. It's far from it.

There are some really good people working in cricket in Yorkshire who do their best to bridge the divide.

There was a culture at the club which had a huge impact on some people.

Rafiq was the highest-profile case. This is not only about Azeem the man, it's also about other people. He and the others went through a lot.

Rafiq opened the door for those experiences to be made public and now it's about how we learn from them.

Rafiq said he would not allow his children to be near the game. Every cricket administrator should be scared by that.

I used to be a fan of cricket, but have become a fan of someone else.

I feel like I'm responsible. I don't know if I've been hired to fill a quota or tick a box. I'm here to work.

Racist topics are not fun to discuss. I want to be able to concentrate on cricket. There is a need for people in the public eye to have a say in these issues.

I think I have a good idea of what's going on in the game. From my point of view, I think I bring something different to the table.

I want to understand how we can improve things. How do we make the world a better place?

There are some amazing people working in cricket in this country, but I am not sure I trust the administrators to do what is necessary.

An action plan has been published by the England and Wales Cricket Board.

If they don't deliver on what they say they will do, we have to hold them accountable.

What do you thinkprogress looks like? Change is what it is. Is it possible that things will never be perfect?

It's difficult to say. We will know a difference has been made when we know there are people of all colors involved in cricket.

There will be a hint of anxiety for me this week.

No one else has to feel like that.

Stephan Shemilt was talking to a woman.