A Horrifying Proposal for Airplane Seating Confirms the Future of Coach Is Being Knocked Unconscious

Alejandro Nez Vicente presented his vision for the future of air travel at the aircraft interiors expo in Germany.

Fresh hell just dropped https://t.co/mHDmdXeYGy

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) June 15, 2022

For a number of reasons, this seating is monstrous. The farts are the first thing that comes to mind. Can you imagine flying through the air with someone's butt inches from your face? Air travel is similar to that designed by Hieronymus Bosch. The kind of charcoal cushions recommended by Slate sex advice columnist Rich Juzwiak may be Vicente's plan for this situation. Getting in and out of the lower level, the challenge of reading a book or using a laptop, and the intense claustrophobia caused by being crammed into anMRI chamber from O'Hare to Miami are some of the difficulties.

It is possible that the Double Decker Fart Chaise will never see the light of day. The trend in air travel is to cram as many of us as possible into ever-smaller square footage while decreasing perks and increasing prices. It is time for airlines to provide a service that knocks me unconscious for the duration of my flight.

I am instantly knocked unconscious when I board a flight that is more than two hours long. Maybe this can be accomplished with a hospital mask, a handkerchief soaked in ether, or a shovel to the head. Doesn't matter to me, does it? My form could be put into a coach seat. Hang me from a piece of meat. I don't know what I care about.

When you think about it, it makes sense. The airline saved on space with the introduction of Gas Class. It makes more sense to use knockout drugs. The flight attendants can focus on serving champagne to the first class passengers and not worry about the snoring in the back of the plane. I will avoid the whole part of the crash. When the plane lands, a gentle slap to either side of the cheek will awaken me, and I will head to my destination.

instantaneous travel, the "Beam me up, Scottie" matter transference ray that will get us coast to coast in seconds, has been a dream of mankind. We will never get this close. Air travel is very similar to major surgery or a level one comedy show. I am not a professional anesthetist so there are some logistical hurdles I am not thinking of. They can be overcome. I would happily take a cartoon hammer to the noggin to sleep through Alejandro Nez Vicente's torture seat.