I have played golf many times at The Orchards Golf Club in Washington Township, Michigan, but never had I felt so nervous as I did on May 3.
I wasn't even playing, I was caddying, and I could feel my stomach hurt as Tim Atkins stood over a 4-foot putt on the eleventh hole. I've seen Tim make a hole in the ground for a long time, but this one had consequences for both of us.
He was playing for a spot in the U.S. Open.
His round didn't start the way we wanted, but he fought back and was about to make a bogey to get us back in the game. We weren't sure if he'd have a chance at winning or moving on to the finals, but if he could finish in the upper tier of the field, it would be something to watch.
He sank the putt, gave a small fist pump, looked at me and nodded his head as if he knew what he was doing. It was one of the highlights of the day and epitomized what it's like for players trying to reach the highest heights of the game.
We didn't know what was going to happen until the last putt.
The level of golf, the competition and the stakes that come with it are some of the things that professional players talk about.
A $20 bet with your friends for a 5-foot putt isn't the same as a 1-stroke potentially costing a player $1 million or a major championship, as average players rarely get to experience that to its fullest. U.S. Open qualification is the only setting that can give a regular player a taste of what it's like to play in a tournament.
The chance to play in the U.S. Open is only available to amateurs with a handicap of less than 1.5.
How hard is it? There is a lot of pressure and the competition is not good. None of the players will ever know. The odds are not in my favor because I have a 7.7 handicap.
Tim is one of my best friends from college and is a zero handicap, which is a great example of what a good weekend player would look like against professionals.
He is 40 years old, has a career, a wife and two young children, and lives in southeastern Michigan. He is a member of a private club and won the club championship a few years ago. He plays golf as often as he can, but not as much as he would like.
Tim has the ability to answer the question of how a really good player stacks up to professionals. He rarely gets himself in trouble that he can't scramble and he doesn't make a lot of mistakes that cost him his round.
He played in high school but has never competed in a USGA event in Michigan. I wanted to see what the competition was like, and since I couldn't do it myself, I pitched the idea to Tim that he would play in a localqualifier in Michigan, and I would caddie for him.
He thought I was joking when I told him that I was serious. He was excited about what he would do, but he was worried about how he would do.
He asked if he would play well. Is that bad for the story?
He was concerned about how he would feel about himself if he didn't play well, but I told him that it was more about how he would feel if he didn't play well. He's a competitor, and while he hasn't experience this level of tournament play, any player would want to feel confident about what they can do on the course.
I told them that we don't need the story to be anything other than what happens on the course. I reminded him that he wouldn't have an exemption into the finals or the actual U.S. Open if he didn't qualify for it.
He was already thinking about the pressure because the qualification hadn't begun.
Before the event, I gave pep talks to make him believe that he is a good player. It is very rare for amateur athletes to get into the U.S. Open when they register for a qualification.
When the process was restricted because of COVID, there were 46,605 entrants who qualified. Only 23 made it to the US Open. It can be difficult.
I didn't think he'd have a chance at the U.S. Open, but I suppose we could make it to the finals. I left out the statistics on how rare amateurs are in this event because a good caddie focuses on the positives.
A few months before the tournament was held, we had a plan to practice at the club where the tournament would be held. I promised to bring a note pad and write down my observations about the course and greens in order to become a caddie.
Instead, we both got busy with work, called each other a month before the qualification, and told the other that we probably couldn't get much practice in because our families were going to Florida the week before.
Tim didn't play golf yet. I can't get a round in before the tournament because I have to return a few days before.
The competitor in me was annoyed that we wouldn't get any practice in, but the writer in me thought this would give a true depiction of what a weekend player would look like if they were put into a professional event.
The only time I've caddied was at a local course when I was 13 years old. I didn't like caddying. I talked to Chase about what to expect and what we should do on the course from a professional player's point of view.
Don't try and do things that you wouldn't do with your friends. "If you're the type of guy that likes to quickly read a putt and you get the feel, there's no sense in walking around the hole six or seven times." Some guys will overanalyze and get out of their normal when they get into that situation. They don't just hit a shot, they get a lot of thoughts in their head. Don't get carried away.
I had to change a number of things because I couldn't play music on a speaker on the course in the qualification. Tim should just play his game.
We warmed up at the range on the day of the tournament. The conditions were more difficult than they already were because of the wind and rain.
The course was playing over 6,900 yards, and if that wasn't intimidating by itself, some of the players already hitting balls were smashing shots towards the end of the range.
A few guys who looked like they were doing the same thing as Tim and then a few who looked like they were doing this for a living was what I saw.
I've played enough golf with Tim to know how he hits the ball and how comfortable he is with the result. He turned to me and said that he was nervous.
I can't remember the last time Tim said he was nervous on a golf course. I tried to talk about something familiar to us both, our children.
He said he felt like he was going to pull every shot when he talked about golf. I didn't think I'd say anything because he was hitting them straight.
The weather wasn't better but it was still nice. The club pro from Canada who stayed at the hotel the night before was looking for a chance to compete and we introduced him to the other partner.
The other was an amateur from Oxford, Michigan who was also in a similar situation to Tim.
We were lucky that Tim went to tee his ball up in between the gold markers because they were 6 feet behind the USGA designated markers. They both made sure to point out that he would be better off teeing it from the proper markers and that we might want to think a little harder on the next hole as to not make any mistakes.
I felt pressure as Tim's caddy. If I gave bad advice, it could cost us a stroke or two. I wanted him to get off the first tee to make sure he wasn't worried.
He hit it to the left of the fairway and we were on our way. His approach was short because we didn't factor in the cold temperature. We made a mess of the first two holes, but rebounded with a couple of pars on the next two.
After an unlucky lie caused a bad chip, we doubled the fifth hole and were over by the seventh hole. I tried to keep him on track despite the fact that he wasn't hitting the ball well and we had a few bad shots. I reminded him of that because I had seen him scramble and come back before.
I'm aware. He said to just get through nine and make the turn. I still feel like I'm going to pull it off.
I was on edge because I knew he was still thinking about that comment. The pressure was alleviated by the fact that we were over. At 6 over, we were far off of where we needed to be to have any chance of making it to the next round.
The professional was 2 under par after six holes. At one point, he was leading the tournament. He went from 2 under to 3 over in the first nine and finished at 3 over.
He went off the course after doubling 10. We never saw him again after he said goodbye to the other amateur. I was surprised.
I can't imagine driving all the way down from Canada, paying for a hotel, and just leaving after 10 holes. This game can be hard at this level. A few bad holes can ruin an entire round and send you on a downward spiral.
We loosened up knowing the stakes had been lowered because Tim was heading in the opposite direction. I could tell that he was getting into a rhythm when he hit a perfect wedge shot to a few feet on the 11th.
We found ourselves at the 16th tee at 6 over after playing holes eight to 15 at even par.
Even though he's an amateur, Tim is important to him because golf is important to him. There is an emotion tied to this game that can bring you back.
It's a constant struggle against yourself on the course, a competition to better your last shot, better your last round and prove that all the years you've put in can translate onto the course. There are only a few sports out there that can make you feel good about yourself and bad about yourself at the same time.
The bad feelings can linger and cause more problems than the good ones. We had no idea what was about to happen.
I had forgotten about the feeling that Tim was going to pull his shots in a while. He thinks he's going to return as a bird. We're talking about a bird. There is a bald eagle and a parrot.
We finished in the middle of the pack and I was happy that we finished in the middle of the pack.
We debated about which club to hit after he hit his tee shot. It was a 372 yard par-4 with water on the left of the fairway and around the green.
He said he could give himself an easy chance if he hit the driver. I don't want to get wet. I'll hit the hybrid.
He pulled the hybrid after hitting it. It's out of bounds. The thoughts that had lingered all day had finally come to an end. On a golf course, you think about something for a long time.
He had a triple-bogey 7 on the 16th and finished with a 16. He pulled his tee shot out of bounds after stepping up to the 17th tee. He pushed his next shot out of bounds after overcorrecting the pull.
In two holes, we went from 6 over to 14 over par.
I saw that Tim was angry. When he gets angry on the golf course, I try to leave him alone on the last hole. He pulled his tee shot out of bounds because he was too upset to hit a good shot.
We ended our round at 17 over par after he had a triple-bogey 7.
I told him I was proud of him as we left the green. You kept it together. You don't have to control what happens with your score, but you do have to finish the U.S. Open.
I'm not sure if that made him feel better, but he gave me a smirk and a hug and we walked off the course to sign his scorecard.
I have never been afraid to watch someone play golf. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a golfer.
Afterwards, we went to a local restaurant. We looked through his round to see where he could have improved. Tim looked at me and said "We know what happened the rest of the way."
He talked about how difficult it was to navigate the day, the pressure he felt early in the round moved to comfort and then to disrepair. Individual battles are what golf is all about.
He didn't want it to be the last time we experienced those emotions, even though he finished 23 shots off the medalist, who finished at 6 under par.
He smiled with a smirk. Next year, let's do it again.
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