Relationship icks, red flags, and the blurry line that separates them

It was hot and sticky and thick in Brooklyn in the summer of 2021. Access to the COVID-19 vaccine was widespread. There was a layer of anticipation just above the pavement. The return to the internal evaluation we all have to make of what is worth spending our new found time outside of the home came with it.

One of the men she went on many dates with stuck out to her. He was tall and kind. He had a deep conditioner in his shower. He didn't like vegetables. He couldn't cook vegetables, got his burgers without tomato and lettuce, and insisted that their requirement to fulfill a natural diet was not necessary. The fact that he didn't eat vegetables was so egregious that it wiped out all the good in him. The ick had been received by Licul.

It was obvious that he didn't eat vegetables. If I had to convince someone to eat a tomato, how was I supposed to meet my goals? He would approach it as something to fix, but the attitude and refusal carte blanche was just psychotic. I am not able to take care of myself and you at the same time.

The seemingly insignificant things someone we're dating does that repulse us, aren't something that popped up as a result of the Pandemic, although the majority of society went dark on dating and then burst back into the scene. The trend of talking about things you consider to be icks has taken off on TikTok with over 410 million views.

When you feel like you have a lot of potential dates, you might be more hesitant to commit to someone.

Sometimes it can be positive to take your time, to get to know someone, and to not rush into a relationship. It's possible that the flip side of that is falling into the trap of breaking up with someone for minor reasons. In order to find a partner, we need to work out what is important to us in a partner, what isn't, and what we are willing to compromise on.

When you're single, you might start to wonder if you have the right filters in the right places. Some icks can be funny and extreme.

One friend told me that being able to do a cartwheel and owning any snorkeling gear are extreme icks. The other icks are indicative of something deeper that makes the two of you incompatible.

Sometimes we talk about the little things that people do that make us dislike them. We're talking about the thread that makes up a red flag, the sticky tar that looks like it's part of a road, and the fact that it's a sinkhole.

It's important to decipher if you're ignoring someone because of something that's actually not that important. A lot of intent is involved in figuring out if something is a red flag. There is an attack on your wellbeing that makes you feel unsafe, including not feeling like you can be vulnerable with someone, or you can't tell them what your needs are.

In that case, icks can be more than a silly way to talk about dating, they can be a representation of what we are willing to put up with. It can be useful to talk about that with a sense of humor, like how we create meme to talk about trauma. Talking about what you're willing to put up with in a partner can be awkward, so it can lighten the load a bit. If you spot an ick in someone, that doesn't mean it's time to quit. A lot of people don't like broccoli.

One way to approach this is to investigate why they're bothering you. It is a red flag if they are being disrespectful or rude. It is just something to talk to your partner about. It's a red flag if you tell someone that something they do is offensive, even if it's small, and they continue to do it.

If the person says it's not that big of a deal, then it's wrong. Even if someone tells you that you're overreacting, you have to trust your feelings. You should be able to count on them to change their behavior if you apologize for the red flag.

I don't want to see someone else brush their teeth. If my partner chooses to no longer do it in front of me, that's a win. If they continue to chase me around the apartment while brushing their teeth, that's it for me. Not because brushing your teeth within my view is wrong, but because refusing to do something small for me is a real bummer, and not one I'm willing to put up with.

The experts would like you to trust your gut. Dump someone if you don't like something about them.