It is a good time to re- evaluate your sex life. Would you like to have one? When your partner does that, do you still enjoy it? Do you still enjoy spending time together?
Ammanda Major, head of service quality and clinical practice at Relate, says that it is not uncommon to see couples where the sexual relationship has gone off the boil for years. It's possible that it's related to the relationship. People might be wondering if they want it to be like this when they have another 20 or 30 years. She says it's never too late to have a satisfying sex life. How to stay going for longer is here.
Major suggests asking for a discussion about sex as the first step. She suggests saying, "I would like to understand how you feel about stuff, and whether you feel you're getting what you need" I want to let you know how I feel. We can do that. You have the chance to say what you do and don't like. If you don't want an accusatory tone, practise it out loud. Kate, who is in her 70s, says she is having the best sex of her life with her partner. She says embarrassment can stop us from saying anything. She says to write a note if it feels too67531, and that it could be read out loud for a fun spark. Our bodies and wants change as we live. At 30 it was fun, but now it's boring.
It is hard to show someone or explain if you are not sure. Are you aware of what your needs are? She says that masturbation could be done in the bath or shower. Sharing that can be done by being aware and in touch with your body. Major stresses that it is important to see a doctor if you are having problems with your sex life or mental health.
It’s about recognising that things change, and like any change in a relationship you need to be talking about it
Major says don't assume what happened in the last relationship will work in this one. Don't make assumptions in a long term relationship Their needs might have changed. Like any change in a relationship you need to talk about it and see how it feels. What are we going to do now?
Making a plan can be sexy in its own way, even though it isn't like the must-have-you-now passion that worked before. Kate says that we can make sex better by using a different method. They talk about being together a day or two in advance. We might send a couple of text messages. I've sent pictures. She says to think about what scene you want to make. Is there lights? Is it possible that the windows are open? What do you think about music? There is a book to look at with erotic photos. It's a good thing that imagination and anticipation are good.
It is still possible for a couple to be spontaneous. Stuart, who is in his 70s and has been married for more than 50 years, says that in the 50s and 60s they would often go out in the car for a drink and stop at a secluded spot for sex. This is a big deal. Sex in the kitchen is important. The benefit of later-life sex is that any adult children should have left.
When it's no longer comfortable for couples to have sex, it's time to stop. Joan Price is an ageless sexuality advocate and author of Naked At Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. You can use oral, fingers, and sex toys. Think of it as expanding sex to include all the wonderful ways that you can find pleasure and arousal.
It is possible that orgasm may not be the goal. Price said to focus on pleasure and sensation. It's time to take the anxiety out. I'm just going to have fun with it. It is more likely that orgasm will occur if there is no anxiety. It is possible that some positions are not as comfortable or work as well as they used to. There are more than one position that will allow you to be the most comfortable and still get pleasure.
After his wife had a hysterectomy, Stuart and his wife explored other things. She enjoys both clitoral and G-spot stimulation. When she does, I'll almost always climax. I don't think the lack of 'conventional' sex is a problem.
Major says that sex isn't just about what you do in bed. Being kind to each other during the day can help promote positive sexual energy later on. She says sexual difficulties are a sign of trouble. If your sex life has gone into a rut, be careful. Are our relationship problems the cause of the sexual problem or the cause of the relationship problems? Stuart kisses as a turn-on and as a regular sign of affection.
I can’t speak highly enough of vibrators, they are the key to orgasm in so many cases
Price says that he can't speak highly of sex toys. They are the key to orgasm because we may need more sensation than our partner. Extra intensity may be needed. Stuart didn't have an erection in his 50s and 60s, but has begun to notice it in his 70s. He uses a cock ring to maintain an erection.
Major says that we are surrounded by images of youthful beauty and only that is sexy. She says how do we accept the aging process? Stuart says that life as a naturist has helped him keep his sex life going. When naked, we don't feel embarrassed.
Kate says to let yourself laugh at the things that don't work. It may be the best kind of trust and intimate relationship. Life is good with someone who has lived it a bit.
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