Aeroflot unveils new status match program

Aeroflot has unveiled a new design to lure passengers from other airlines. The new program was picked up by several travel writers who think it could be a game-changer in the points and miles world.

The new status match program from the Russian airline Aeroflot was picked up by travel bloggers across the world. Despite owning a fleet of now-stolen airplanes, only being allowed to fly inside the borders of their country and to Iran, the airline has decided to get back on offense.

After several months of emergency meetings inside the airline, the company's leadership presented a plan to President Vladimir Putin who is required to make literally all decisions for the airline.

The new status match plan was well-received by the supreme overlord, who shouted his approval to Aeroflot representatives seated at the far of a 688-foot conference room table while munching on the deep-fried ears of a few generals recently relieved of duty and executed.

Some of the major tenets of the new plan have been revealed. Under the new plan, any member of another airline's lowest tier will be granted Aeroflot status. This top status is known as the G.O.A.T level.

Status matchers are required to do several things in order to be eligible for the program.

• Fly to Russia and submit your status match application in-person to a local Russian mob boss
• Purchase and ship a copy of literally any military strategy book to Moscow’s senior military generals
• Make a donation in the amount of 1.7 trillion Rubles (or the equivalent of $14.92) to the anti-Ukrainian “peace” effort (this can be submitted in Shiba Inu crypto too)
• Prove through video or picture evidence that you regularly drink reindeer antler blood

After completing the easy steps, people will be granted the highest status in the Aeroflot loyalty program.

Once a member of the level, members will be treated to a number of unique perks and benefits.

• Preferred boarding and deplaning
• Access to the one plane still working and being maintained by Aeroflot mechanics
• An unlimited supply of Channing Tatum’s vodka
• A complimentary cup of organic reindeer blood on every flight
• The ability to free (2) relatives from a Serbian gulag

The points and miles industry was happy to see the airline back in the game, and so far the new program has been well received.

The idea for this piece of satire came from a friend of The TakeoffNap. We are acknowledging this person, even though they prefer to remain anonymous. Good sir, this was a fun idea.