Slate has a parenting advice column called Care and Feeding. Every Thursday we feature teachers from across the country answering your education questions, in addition to our traditional advice. Do you have a question for our teachers? You can email askateacher@slate.com or post it in the Slate parenting Facebook group.
My sister has had mental issues for a long time. She lost her custody of her baby. My parents can't raise the baby. I am not close to my sister, but my husband and I are excited to take the baby. But! We can't give the kid the same opportunities as our own children. We have to live paycheck to paycheck in order to send our kids to private school. We made a decision early on that the public schools were not great and that we would not send our children to them. My family thinks we are better off than we are. Sending another child to private school would make us angry. There is no way to do that. My parents don't like the idea of my nephew going to public school when my other children are in private school. I would have to find a different job to accommodate another child. When my children are old enough to attend middle school, they will be there. We don't want to pull the kids out of school. They love their friends and community. Are we so bad?
The dilemma is the third time.
Third, please.
You can't do this. I don't think a public school education would be unacceptably inferior to your kids, but it shows an unmistakable difference in your perception of this baby and his role in your family. It is your mindset that you need to tend to.
I'm really sorry that your sister isn't well and that she and her son can't be together healthfully. I'm glad you're able and happy to care for the baby, but you also have a responsibility to be careful and thoughtful as you go. I am worried that you phrased your concern as "we cannot give the kid the same opportunities as our own children." Every decision you make has to be based on the idea that he is an equal member of your family. I understand that you aren't prepared to absorb the financial impact of adding a third child, and there will be changes and tough decisions on the horizon. The solution can't be that you keep one standard of living for your kids and the baby gets everything else.
If you can't afford to pay for three private school tuition bills, I'd first make sure you give your money. I think your decision not to enroll your kids was based on the district's reputation more than your personal experience, and I would definitely try to get more familiar with the public option. Ask administrators if you can visit or talk to local parents. If you can get on board with what you find, then your next step should be reaching a solution that will allow you to distribute your resources equally among your three kids.
It's not so much about the school decision at all, it's just one of a lifetime's worth of choices in which you are obligated to offer your generosity and consideration to all three kids as fairly as you possibly can. You need to make sure you are mentally and emotionally prepared for that.
Ms. Bauer is a middle and high school teacher.
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Elementary school homework can be a hot topic. Do you have any ideas on how to get a 7-year-old to sit down and do homework? The work is not hard, but it is difficult to get him to do it. Giving him incentives doesn't seem to be working and taking things away doesn't seem to be working. Any tips or tricks would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Homework police
Dear HP.
When the carrot and stick don't have meaning for a child, that's quite a dilemma. I'm happy to hear that homework takes about 10 minutes a day. A few of these ideas might help your child complete this amount of work.
The fear of making mistakes is one of the biggest barriers that children face in completing work. If a culture of effort over results has not been fostered at school or home, that may make an enormous difference in your child's attitude toward homework. In my classroom, the motto is "Mistakes are valuable, and it often frees kids up to try their best."
When everyone in your family is academically engaged, you might make homework. If your child sees the rest of the family reading and writing, attitudes may change. It is helpful for kids to model preferred behaviors.
You might want to revisit your incentives. I tell a teacher that they have the wrong incentives if they tell me that their incentives are not affecting student behavior. Ask your child what he wants to get in exchange for hard work. It would be great for your child to be motivated, but they are still young and most of us need incentives to do many things. If we didn't get an adequate paycheck and satisfaction from our work, we would probably stop working. Your child is the same.
A mentor could be helpful. If your child waspaired with an older student who could help with homework and talk about the importance of a work ethic, that would help too. Kids will listen to kids a few years older than them while ignoring their parents. It is sad but true.
Best of luck.
Mr. Dicks is a fifth grade teacher in Connecticut.
I have a 7-year-old who is an excellent reader, and she likes to read. She finishes two to three chapter books in a day. We chat about the books and characters and she will often read them a second or third time. I can't get her to read longer books. She doesn't accept it if she can't finish it in a day. Is this ok because she's reading a lot and enjoying it, or is there something I can do to get her to read a longer book?
Is it short and sweet?
Dear short and sweet.
It is amazing that your daughter has a strong love for reading. She's rejecting longer and harder books at this age. I don't think a child should read more challenging books just because they can. We try to pair children with books. The right books are easy to read, enjoyable, and can be read without support. These books build a love for reading instead of pushing kids to read books that are difficult or boring. The approach reinforces the idea that reading should be enjoyable.
If you still want to push your daughter to read more, you could try to find shorter texts that are higher Lexile levels. I have found that high-Lexile picture books can help children understand more complex topics without diminishing their enthusiasm for reading.
Mr. Hersey is an elementary school teacher in Washington.
My high schooler looks at homework through the lens of doing the minimum required to keep up his grades. I feel like homework should be completed regardless of what he needs to do to learn the subjects, get the practice, and generally reinforce good work habits. If I ask if he's done an assignment, he'll reply with something like "even if I don't do any homework for the rest of the quarter, I'll still get it." Is this a genius move on his part, where he is able to preserve more of his free time, cause less headaches for himself, and do less busywork? Is it better to reinforce good work habits and do the work?
Reinforcer
Dear Reinforcer.
I agree with you. Un challenged students who are gifted enough to coast through on little effort are not learning anything. They don't learn how to be good students. They don't learn how to put in effort, how to grapple with difficult concepts, or how to persist through long study sessions. They don't get the sweet reward of having mastered something that was beyond their grasp. When students in college or graduate school are confronted with a difficult subject, they are often unprepared for the fight that can be learning.
I don't blame your son at all. I think the teacher is to blame. If he gets the grade without doing the homework, what motivation does he have to complete it? The teacher should not assign work that is unimportant to his grade or his understanding of the material. What kind of motivation is there if he isn't going to do it out of a desire to learn? He needs to learn good work habits, but is he really going to learn the value of those if he is toiling for no reason? He should be sent into the backyard to dig holes.
How are you going to get the teachers to change their practices? If you want to get your son into more challenging classes, at least in the subject or two he likes the most, you should try to get him into a field he wants to go into. It is possible for him to learn the value of hard work through something outside of school such as sports, community service organizations, or other extracurriculars. Young people can come into their own with those kinds of passion projects. If you want him to learn how to be a hard worker, he needs to be challenged by a teacher that really makes him work for the A or a subject that he isn't innately gifted in. If you want him to be a good student, he needs to be challenged by a teacher who gives him meaningful and rigorous assignments.
Mr. Vona is a high school teacher.
My daughter is in kindergarten. She likes it. She adores her teacher. She seems to be doing well academically, at least as far as I can tell. We received one conference report, one conference in mid-November, and a few math assessment reports, but nothing else. Is that normal?
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