The public has heard weeks of claims and counterclaims about the libel suit between Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney, as well as about the disappearance of phones in the sea. One of the two women has been betrayed. Rooney's accusation has dragged her good name through the mud, either because she sold stories about her fellow wag to the Sun or because she lied.
It is a messy and sordid tale that no one will emerge better from. Rooney said that the threats and abuse she received made her feel suicidal. The former friends are spending millions on their most intimate details.
A psychology professor at the University of Oregon says that betrayal by a friend is not something you can laugh off.
There are degrees of betrayal. Most of us have had friends gossiping behind our backs, for example, or perhaps we have been that friend. This isn't kissing Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.
A woman in her 50s lives in Wales and was betrayed by her former friend. They met in the early 2000s. Annabel ran a specialist business at a food market; Jane visited her stand often and befriended her. We would go to each other's houses for meals.
Annabel introduced Jane to her friends and gave her work on her stall. Jane said she was going to set up her own stand at the market. Annabel thought it would be weird for other people to hear that she was hurt.
Jane suggested that Annabel might like to consider moving markets if she was unhappy. Their friendship ended like that.
Jane's stand didn't affect Annabel's sales as much as she would have liked, but her income declined over time. Annabel eventually left. The experience made her feel very lonely, like I couldn't trust anyone. She says she was upset for a long time because she felt people might just be after what she had got.
Holly Roberts says that this is a common response to feelings of betrayal. Roberts says these feelings can sit with you for a long time. Annabel has moved on with her life.
Lucy CMM Jackson, an assistant classics professor at Durham University, says that betrayal stories are as old as time. She says tales such as the one about a woman's bloody quest for vengeance after her husband abandons her are so fascinating because they articulate a fear. We come back to the idea of betrayal because we have to trust each other.
Jackson says that Medea takes vengeance because her name has been dragged through the dust. She doesn't see parallels between the two attempts to restore her reputation.
The story of betrayal revolves around a duplicitous lover. In the early 80s, Thunes was betrayed by her close friend. She arranged for the three of them to go for breakfast when she fell in love with the musician. She says that at breakfast, his foot was touching hers under the table.
The evening before, Thunes went to the apartment. The lights were not on and the person was not answering the doorbell. The window was open. I knew he was there when she looked at him.
She says that being betrayed by her boyfriend was worse than being betrayed by her boyfriend. All those years of feeling that she had my back were over in an instant.
People feel embarrassed when they are betrayed. How could I have allowed this person to do this to me? How could I have been so foolish?
Lisa, a disability support worker, knows how stupid they were. Anna and Lisa worked in the same shops in Edinburgh. I liked that.
Anna and her son followed Lisa and her husband to a small village on the east coast of Scotland. She was my family and I was hers, says Lisa. Anna's landlord got in touch and everything fell apart. Anna was behind on her rent.
She initially said no, but eventually agreed to lend her the money. I didn't see her again until Lisa told me that Anna had used her money to run away with a boyfriend.
Anna apologized for hurting Lisa, but not for taking the money.
Everyone will get an apology, but it will be half-hearted. Cormac and Duncan were both teachers at the same school. Cormac introduced Duncan to his professional circles. Cormac asked Duncan if he would apply for the post.
Cormac went over his interview strategy with Duncan. He was shocked to see Duncan in a suit and tie. I was in tears because I knew I had been dealing with a very clever and careful person.
Duncan spread false rumors about Cormac around the school. Cormac moved to a different school and I wanted to draw a line under it.
When you open up to a friend, you make yourself vulnerable to that person. That’s what makes it hard
The urge to withdraw is a protective response to betrayal. It is similar to a fight-or-flight response.
Roberts says it is possible to rebuild the relationship if you are both invested in it. The trust may never come back. Accepting that can be a step in the right direction.
Most of the betrayed wish to harm their betrayers. They would rather let it go and move on.
The act of trusting after being hurt is a form of resistance. To let their betrayers win is why they will not stop connecting with others. She says she would lend Anna the money again, even knowing what she does now.
Some names have been changed.
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