Dr Cacioppo tells me to lose my eyes for three seconds. You could do it at home, on the train, or wherever you are. Think of the person you love the most. Got them? You made them laugh out loud the last time. Cacioppo is a neuroscientist at the University of Chicago who studies the impact of love on the brain and is the author of a new book.
She says that it works because of the fantastic wiring in the brain that connects the love network and the mirror neuron system. When you move, your brain system is activated, but also when you think about the actions of others. It's like imagining someone smiling.
The exercise might be useful for astronauts, who can spend months away from their loved ones on a space station. It could be useful during a global Pandemic that makes us housebound for two years. Cacioppo, who is 47, has a big smile and has a rolling wave of hair. John Cacioppo, a social neuroscientist who was a pioneer of research into loneliness, died suddenly in March of last year.
Theirs was an unlikely relationship because it brought together two experts who had been christened in the media as Dr Love and Dr Loneliness. She was in her 30's and he was in his 50's when they met in January 2011; both were adamant they were not looking for a partner. They were married in less than a year. They shared an office at the University of Chicago with The Cacioppos on the door. They came at their research from different ends of the spectrum, but both believed that the human need for social connection was as important to a person's wellbeing as clean water, healthy food or exercise.
When she closes her eyes, she sees John. She says that we cannot live without it. I realized that love doesn't have to be with the person who is here with you. We can be in love with someone even if they are far away from us. We lost so many people in our lives during Covid, I think many people can relate to that.
One key to keeping John's love alive was to realize that he was gone, and to face the pain that he was not physically here. I could feel his love in different ways. I hope that can inspire people to feel connected and not alone.
Cacioppo expected to write a book called "Journey Through Romance, Loss and the Essence of Human Connection", but it is not what he wrote. She spent her career trying to prove that love was a worthy subject of scientific study and received strong opposition from other researchers who considered it a primitive impulse. She used brain scans andEEG tests to find out if love and lust were related. Understanding love was not about stories or poetry.
Cacioppo felt that it was an important time for an in-depth analysis of love. Humans seem to be experiencing less love and more loneliness. Since the 1970s, the marriage rates for opposite-sex couples in the UK have declined. The Office for National Statistics reported that they were the lowest ever recorded. Despite the proliferation of dating apps, we seem to be having less sex. A record number of Americans said they had no sexual encounters in the previous year. The gig economy, open-plan offices and more people living in cities are some of the factors believed to contribute to the sex drought.
One key to keeping John’s love alive was actually to realise that he was gone
Cacioppo's relationship with John kept coming up when she was working on her science book. She realized that she had never told her friends most of what happened in their relationship. I'm a shy and private person, but I felt like it was a mission for me to conquer my shyness and share my story with the readers. The hope is that it will help people appreciate more the beauty and nature of human connections, and perhaps find love and maintain love in their own life.
For most of her life, romantic love has been elusive for Dr Love. The only child of passionate French-Italian parents who set a dauntingly high bar for what a relationship should look and feel like was born in the French Alps. She threw herself into tennis and science to avoid feeling like a gooseberry.
Cacioppo, who now lives in Oregon, says she didn't understand why she was the only child. A romantic, French dramatic. My Italian grandmother told me to dress nicely every day in case it was the last day of our life. I had an attitude that I would enjoy life as if I were going to live forever.
On top of that, I had my parents show me this beautiful, perfect relationship that seems impossible. I love challenges and it was inspiring. I always thought that maybe one day I would be able to answer impossible.
Cacioppo didn't have serious boyfriends as a teenager or in college, but she did research at two hospitals in New Hampshire and then at a college in New Hampshire. She found that romantic love seemed to affect 12 different brain regions. Cacioppo expected it to fire up the brain and dopamine hungry system. It was surprising that passionate love was different from friendship or maternal love and also triggered some of the most sophisticated, higher-order regions of the brain. The gyrus is one in particular.
Only apes and humans have the gyrus, which is tucked behind the ear. Einstein's brain has been shown to be large, and it is linked to abstract thought and language. The discovery proved that love played a more complex role in the brain than anyone could have guessed. She found that what happened on a biological level was the same for all of us, regardless of where we were born.
Love remained a theoretical concept for Cacioppo. That changed at the conference in 2011. There is scientific research that supports the idea that love at first sight is possible. I was happier with him than before.
John Cacioppo, who had been married twice before, was more wary of the pair. I sent the follow-up email after their first meeting, but I have always been a fiercely independent woman. The part of his mind that felt like his heart was the part of his brain that was dominated by his parents. I don't think he would have sent an email.
The Cacioppos felt like they had the blessing of the science because their relationship moved fast. People who are in love can benefit from the explosion of activity in their gyrus and be more creative and motivated. Data from one of John's studies found that chronic loneliness increases the odds of an early death. John Cacioppo told the Observer in 2016 that being obese was the same impact as being lonely.
We joked about Dr Loneliness meeting Dr Love, but the title didn't really affect our relationship.
Theirs was not easy. John was 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 He was able to return to full-time teaching. He rebuilt his body with daily exercise sessions. He was told by doctors that he had turned another corner, but soon after he started coughing. The cancer had spread to his lungs.
Cacioppo was depressed after her husband's death, unsure that a meaningful life was still possible. She is still raw, but defiant, and she says that she feels like the passenger of her life.
Love played a more complex role in the brain than anyone could have reasonably guessed
I am a living proof of my science, and I want to share it with readers. Help them understand how the brain works so that they can regain control of their own brain and feel more in charge of their emotions.
Exercise was the first stage of recovery for Cacioppo. She ran six miles a day and realized she was happiest when she helped others. I used to be the only child in my family and always the center of attention. I see that there is something bigger than me.
Eliminating loneliness is one of the great challenges for our society. It is an invidious problem, but there are strategies that can help. Being depended upon, being shown respect, and being made to understand your own importance can give a person a lonely sense of worth.
Even the simple exercise we started the article with can reduce feelings of isolation.
She isn't sure what Cacioppo's next move will be. If there is one take- home message from my story, it doesn't come from me, it comes from Maya Angelou.
Little, Brown has a book called "wired for love" available for purchase at guardianbookshop.com.
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