This absurdist parody script of an ‘Ellen’ episode will make the mom within you scream

4

There’s nothing that moms love more than extreme couponing, telling you to get off your phone, and daytime TV talkshows. Specifically, Ellen.

According to the latest parody script from comedian Keaton Patti, the audience for Ellen consists of literally “every human mom.” Well maybe not Patti himself, but the “bot” he’s “forced” to watch another 1,000 hours of a specific show, creating an absurdist script approximating the show’s language.

Previously, this “bot” has envisioned scripts for a White House press briefing, an Olive Garden commercial, and even a Ted Talk. This time though, it’s spit out two faux pages of a script that absolutely roasts Ellen Degeneres and her audience.

The audience begins by clapping their “mom hands” and Ellen instructs them to reach under their seats for a prize they go wild for – a “plate of Ellen’s hair.”

From there, the guest is introduced as “INTERNET BOY,” a humble viral internet sensation who “sang a cup of noodles to life.” Of course, these kinds of meme stars seemingly make up half of Ellen’s guest list these days.

The setup of the “episode” is a fantastic send-up of all the typical Ellen tropes – audience of nothing but moms, cute viral kid who hasn’t really done anything incredible but got millions of views nonetheless, and being surprised with a visit by Lady Gaga (written out as “LADLE GAGA.”)

The “bot” even includes some meta-commentary on Ellen’s reputation and public persona as a host, saying “Ellen [is] famous for her Ellen impression.”

While Patti is really the one behind the keyboard, banging out these viral scripts, the internet loves them anyway. After all, they’re usually not too far off from the real shows themselves.

So what do you say, Ellen? I think we’d all pay good money to see the segment “Can Ellen Sell A Bear To A Prison?” come to life onscreen.