Sunday, January 20, 2019
Tags Humor

Tag: humor

Study: Most Innocent People Need to Hire Thirty-Five Lawyers at Some...

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report)-Most people who are innocent of any crimes will still need to hire thirty-five lawyers at some point, a new...

Trump Offers to Station Pence at Border with Binoculars in Lieu...

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report)-In an unexpected breakthrough that could end the government shutdown, President Donald Trump has backed down from his demand for...

Pelosi Says She Will Skip Trump and Negotiate Directly with Putin

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report)-In a bold gambit to end the government shutdown, the House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, said on Saturday...

Americans Nostalgic for Republican Who Only Wanted to Screw Over Forty-Seven...

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report)-In a sign of voters' shifting perspectives about Presidential hopefuls, a new survey reveals that Americans are deeply nostalgic for...

Cabinet Warns Trump That Shutting Down Government Would Make It Harder...

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report)-In a tense meeting on Monday, leading Cabinet members warned Donald J. Trump that shutting down the federal government would...

Trump Suddenly Expresses Deep Concern About Conditions in Nation’s Prisons

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report)-In a sudden departure from his previous views on incarceration, Donald J. Trump said on Monday that he was "very,...

Trump Names TV Remote New Chief of Staff

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)-Having been turned down by several previous choices for the job, Donald J. Trump broke with tradition on Monday by picking...

Heather Nauert Says Visit to

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report)-Pushing back against criticism of her lack of diplomatic experience, Donald J. Trump's choice to be the next United States...

Iraq Offers to Help Establish Democracy in North Carolina

BAGHDAD ( The Borowitz Report)-The government of Iraq announced on Tuesday that it would seek to build an international coalition to establish democracy in...

Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

MINNEAPOLIS ( The Borowitz Report)-Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life,...