Lisa Vanderpump had a tough year – and it definitely affected her time on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
In PEOPLE’s exclusive sneak peek at Vanderpump’s appearance on Monday’s episode of RuPaul, RuPaul Charles ‘ new daytime television talk show for Fox, the O.G. Housewife opens up about the experience.
“It was such a brutal season for me, and it was at a time where I was floundering,” she admits. “Everybody always says, ‘Oh, you look like you’ve got your life together,’ but I started that show this season like, two or three months after my brother passed. I just wasn’t in the right space.”
“I actually did say, and we talked about it with Andy [Cohen] on Watch What Happens Live – he said: ‘I wish I’d given you the year off,’ ” she recalls. “I just wasn’t as prepared. I found that I couldn’t deal with something that I could normally deal with. So then it just went on and it was accumulative and in the end I just said, ‘I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.’ “
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PEOPLE confirmed earlier this month that Vanderpump, 58, is officially walking away from the Bravo show after nine seasons. The decision came after the restaurateur had a major falling out with her castmates. Kyle Richards previously confirmed she and Vanderpump, once inseparable partners in crime, haven’t spoken since a blowout fight at her mansion. The drama began over a dog that Dorit Kemsley adopted from Vanderpump’s rescue center and then gave away. Now known as Puppy Gate, the scandal has dominated this season’s storyline.
While Vanderpump continues to appear on the show, she stopped filming with the rest of the cast about halfway through the season.
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And three months before filming even began, Vanderpump lost her brother Mark to suicide. The Bravo star previously said she wished she had taken a break from the show after experiencing such a devastating loss.
“I wasn’t as prepared for combat as I should’ve been,” she said. “It hasn’t been a good situation.”
“I think this year, with where my mental state was – and I’ve been very honest about that, I struggled a lot, you know, after my brother’s suicide,” she continued. “The first few months it was really difficult, and I was kind of searching for happiness, so, I think you know … when something really significant happens in your life, maybe it does change you, you know?”
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo and RuPaul airs Monday through Friday on select Fox stations, including WNYW Fox-5 in New York and KTTV Fox-11 in LA (check local listings).