Are you constantly being criticized by your partner? Do you often check your partner's social media accounts? If you are wrong about something, will you tell them?
You might score high on the Relationship Sabotage Scale if you strongly agree with or disagree with any of these statements.
The Relationship Sabotage Scale was developed by Dr Raquel Pear, a psychologist researcher and lecturer at University of Southern Queensland. It was published in BMC Psychology on September 19, a peer-reviewed academic journal. This scale aims to empirically assess self-sabotage in romantic relationships.
Two qualitative, preliminary studies by Peel led to the development of the scale. She interviewed both psychologists who specialize in romantic relationships and people who have lived experiences. She described three types: serial daters, who move quickly from one relationship to the next and then make quick assessments to find the right one. There are also those who remain in a relationship for a while but end up feeling drained emotionally.
These were the whats and hows of self-sabotage. The scale measures the how. Peel discovered that fear was the main reason people were not successful in relationships.
It sounds so easy and it's to be expected. This scale was not designed to measure fear but to show how people react to insecurity and fears in love.
How can we be sure that we are safe? She said that this was the key to relationship sabotage.
Peel and her colleagues began with a 60-item initial list (I statements like I often get jealousy of my partner), derived from two of her previous studies, which showed that people rate their opinions on a scale of one (strongly disagree) up to seven (strongly approve). She says that the items are based on direct quotes from interviews. These quotes and our experiences were key to the creation of these items.
One hundred and thirty-six people were interviewed to refine the structure of the scale. The final structure consisted of 12 items that categorize three behaviors or attitudes that lead to self-sabotage. These behaviours include trust difficulties, defensiveness, and lack of interpersonal skills. Each of these is measured with four items.
The Relationship Sabotage Scale
1. For issues in our relationship, I am unfairly blamed.
2. My partner often misunderstands me.
3. My partner constantly criticizes me.
4. My partner makes it seem like I am a lesser person.
5. I am annoyed at how much time my partner spends talking to their friends.
6. To keep my partner safe, I must know where my partner is.
7. I often get jealous of my partner.
8. Sometimes I check the social media profiles of my partners
9. If my partner is unhappy, I try to understand their feelings by trying to place myself in their shoes.
10. I am open to working with you on solutions.
11. If I'm wrong about anything, I'll admit it to my partner.
12. I'm open to my partner sharing things that could improve our relationship.
Randomization is important.
A 7-point Likert scale (ranging from 1 (strongly disagree), to 7 (strongly agree) is used. High scores indicate high levels in the measured dimensions.
Subscale for defensiveness = 1, 2, 3
Subscale for trust difficulty = 5, 6, 7, 8,
Subscale for relationship skills = 9, 10, 11, 12.
To show lack of relationship skills, ask the reverse questions 9, 10, 11 and 12.
Scores in the subscale range from 4-11 (low).
Scores in the subscale between 12-20 (moderate).
Scores in subscales between 21 and 28 (high)
This scale indicates whether the overall score is low, medium or high. It also gives separate scores for each one of the key attitudes and behaviours. In all of the studies Peel did, the most self-destructive behaviour was identified as defensiveness.
Peel says that the scale is not a diagnostic tool. The scale does not give a diagnosis.
Peel claims that the scale can be used clinically or by individuals. You can use it to understand the type of things that you might be doing in a couple. Psychologists would conduct all kinds of assessments with clients in a clinical setting. This could be an additional assessment they perform.
Professor Kim Halford is a University of Queensland clinical psychologist and researcher who specialises in relationships. She did not collaborate on the scale with Peel. However, she believes that the scale's value in clinical settings remains uncertain and will need to conduct further research.
This scale is unique in that it predicts something new than other scales. They have not yet tested this. Halford states that it might or may not prove useful.
He says that he isn't sure the scale measures what it says it does. He also said that some assumptions made by the scale are difficult to justify. It seems to be a general measurement of dysfunctional events in a relationship. It is supposed to indicate how trusting you are in your partner by how much my partner spends time with friends. It might be that it is, but it could also reflect the fact that your partner doesn't know how to trust you.
Peel agrees that the value of scales in a clinical setting has yet to be established. It would be interesting for practitioners to see if this is useful. It would be very useful to those who work with clients dealing with relationship problems.
Peel states that the scale does not represent a complete picture. There are many factors that can influence relationships. It could be 50 factors that make us act the way that we do.
However, once we have a measure, it is necessary to be able narrow it down. It has been reduced to three main reasons people do what they do.
People seldom attribute problems to economic stress. Professor Kim Halford
Halford states that one of the most common mistakes that therapists and couples make in their relationships is not paying enough attention the the world around them.
He says that we know, for instance, that poverty can put a lot of strain in relationships. People rarely attribute problems in their relationships to economic stress.
They are more likely to say that my partner is selfish or does not listen to me than to say that I am exhausted from all the rushing and picking up children.
He says the big question is "Why do psychologists and most people in relationships feel they do things that harm their relationship?" This is an interesting question.
Peel hopes that the scale will help people gain insight into their lives and strengthen their relationships. She says that it is important to understand what's going on.
When we love someone, we can be vulnerable. There are risks of things not working out and we may get hurt. That is what love is. You can't take that out of the equation, I think.
She believes that the scale is only one step on a journey to explore these issues. But it doesn't have to end there.
