It doesn't matter if you have overbooked yourself or realized that you have a conflict. You should gracefully uncommit. This will preserve your reputation and strengthen your relationships. Here are six tips from the author to help you say no when you have already said yes. 2) Change your perspective. 3) Be honest and diplomatic. 4) Keep the relationship intact. 5) Offer an alternate. 6) Take it as a learning opportunity.
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Imagine a coworker asking if you would be willing to chair a new committee that they are starting. The first thing you say is "Yes!" without even stopping to think. You would love to. Flash forward and you see a pile of emails in your inbox, as well as a multitude of appointments on your calendar. You realize that you are too spread out. Although you know that you must say no after saying yes but you are hesitant about breaking the promise after you have already made your commitment.
It is difficult to say no after having made a commitment. It is possible to worry about whether backing out could cause damage to relationships, make you appear unreliable or be viewed as a bad team member. This is especially true for sensitive strivers high-achieving sensitive high-achieving people who tend to overthink situations, have trouble setting boundaries and are highly sensitive.
If you are able to relate, the thought of having to retract your agreement and face the disappointment or anger of another person may not be so difficult. The brain doesn't distinguish between social rejection and physical pain, which makes this reaction understandable. You instead grit your teeth, and you keep your word, sometimes at the cost of your own well-being. It can lead to excessive stress and others might be able notice that you are distracted, overwhelmed, or resentful.
It doesn't matter if you've overbooked yourself or realized that you have a conflict. You can always uncommit gracefully. This will preserve your reputation and strengthen your relationships. These are some tips to help you say no when you've said yes.
Take into account the cost.
Make sure you are confident in your decision to back out before you announce the news. Think about the opportunity cost. Let's say, for example, you have said yes to a new initiative by your boss but are now questioning whether or not you want to participate. Consider how important the project is for your business priorities. It may be worth it if the initiative will give you access to other parts or help you build social capital and new skills. If the cost is too high (such as the impact on you personal life or current projects), it's better to cancel.
Change your perspective
You may be paranoid about saying no when you have already said yes. Instead, accept the fact that it would not be appropriate to continue with the task knowing that you can't finish it. Although you may feel generous and helpful for agreeing to the task, it is not a recipe of high performance, personal happiness, strong relationships, or high performance. You can also consider the positive qualities you exhibit when you gracefully back out. You demonstrate strong prioritization, time management and transparent communication, all characteristics of effective leadership.
Be diplomatic, but honest.
Be assertive and clear when delivering your message. In other words, be direct, thoughtful, and most importantly, honest when delivering your message. If you were to withdraw from your friends committee, you might say this: I believed that I had enough time and energy to complete the job. After looking at my calendar more closely, I realized that I have overextended myself. I also have several professional commitments that I cannot move. This means that I will not be able chair the meeting.
Your withdrawal can be made easier by giving a brief explanation or justification. You could say, "I know that we discussed me being the committee chair but I didn't expect to be given a large project at work when I agreed." You can share your decision to decline the initiative with your boss. I have had the opportunity to evaluate my priorities and found that this project would prevent me from completing my core job responsibilities at a high level. This wouldn't be the best or most efficient decision for me or my team. Therefore, I respectfully have to change my yes to no.
Keep the relationship alive.
It is appropriate to accept responsibility and apologize for any misunderstandings, mistakes, or overextension. The other person was counting on your participation and might have made plans around it. You could also say sorry if you have to withdraw from the committee. I appreciate your consideration of me and wish it all the best. It is a sign of compassion and care to express gratitude and end on a positive note.
Offer an alternative.
If you are truly interested in helping, propose a different time frame or a reschedule. You can take a break and say, "After reviewing my schedule, I must change my mind and decline this invitation." Please keep me in your thoughts for the future. Could you please reach out to me again in a few weeks?
It is possible to suggest an alternative so that the person doesn't feel left behind. You might offer to refer the person to a friend or contractor who could help. Perhaps you can redirect the person towards a resource that can help, such as a podcast, community, or training material that can solve their problem.
Take it as a lesson.
It is not easy or fun to back out of commitments. However, it can be a valuable lesson that will help you overcome any people-pleasing tendencies and make you more successful. This is a great opportunity to learn and to gain more control over what you agree or disagree with in the future. Moving forward, you should only say yes to opportunities that you are excited about and those you have the capacity to accept.
No matter how thoughtful or careful you are, it is possible to sometimes have to renege on a promise that you made or change your mind. To get the best outcome, don't make it a routine. Instead, approach the situation with compassion and consideration.
